Hello Sunny!

First, thank you so much for writing to us and sorry for the delayed response. I see that you’ve written twice and that both questions are pretty similar, so I’ll just answer both in this one post. If I understand correctly, you currently identify as bigender and are comfortable with any pronouns, but you much prefer being seen and addressed as a guy. This makes you wonder if you’re trans or genderfluid, and you’d like some help answering these questions about your gender. I’d like to reassure you that you’re not alone in asking yourself these questions and that your feelings are completely valid. 

I’d like to start with some definitions, just so we’re on the same page. ‘Trans’ or ‘transgender’ can be used as an umbrella term for people who do not identify, or not exclusively, with the gender they were assigned at birth. ‘Genderfluid’ usually refers to a person whose experience of gender varies and fluctuates between several different genders (binary or non-binary). Is this also what you meant by trans and genderfluid? Do these definitions resonate with your experience at all? Of course, these definitions are broad and both trans and genderfluid people might have different ways of defining their experiences. For example, some people, but not everyone, consider that the label ‘trans’ includes ‘genderfluid’ identities, so someone might identify as both trans and genderfluid. Is that something you’ve thought about before?

Here are some additional resources you might find useful, if you need to talk to someone for example:

• West Island LGBTQ+ Center, which is a resource in Beaconsfield.
• The Trans Lifeline Hotline, a peer support service which you can reach at (877) 330-6366. You can also visit their website for more information.
• Kids Help Phone and Tel-Jeunes are two resources specifically for young people, but not necessarily trans or genderfluid youth. Both have a hotline, online forums and a lot more information on their websites.

I would add that ultimately, you’re the expert of your own experience and feelings. Neither I nor anyone else can tell you who you are. In one of their answers (in French), my colleague Zo said that « no matter the word you use to identify yourself, what’s really important is that you feel comfortable with the term you’ve chosen. The labels we choose to define ourselves can be very useful and positive, but we mustn’t forget that they’re not compulsory ». It’s totally okay to take the time you need to figure out which words feel the best to you. As Zo said, language is a useful tool, but it’s often imperfect and one word might not represent the complexities of your identity. If the word trans or genderfluid is what makes sense to you right now, use it, but remember that nothing is set in stone. In fact, gender identity and expression are fluid and can evolve over time. It’s a totally normal part of the human experience!

I hope I was able to help you with this answer and don’t hesitate to write again if you have more questions! 

Have a good day

Béatrice (elle/she/her), volunteer for AlterHéros