7 avril 2006

My friend is a total homophobe, and I don't know what to do

Over this past summer, I developed feelings for one of my best friends. I eventually told her, and she acted like it was no big deal. Then I read something in the newspaper that had something to do with homosexuality, and I told her about it. I found out that she’s a total homophobe, but she’ll still talk to me and hang out with me. She’s really religious, and I’m not. I know that she believes it’s «wrong» to be homosexual or bisexual because it says something about it in the Bible. But the thing is, she won’t even really listen to what I have to say about it. What do I do? I don’t want to lose her as a friend, because aside from this subject, she’s the best friend anyone could have. But I’ve found that it’s hard to talk to her without thinking of that, and I’m stuck and have no idea what to do…


Hi Emily,

Thanks for sharing your story with us and I hope this will be of help.

If you want to share your feelings with her, maybe talk to her about what it is that’s going on inside you but try to avoid words like homosexuality, lesbian etc if it makes her uncomfortable. She could then try to understand you better or might listen to what you have to say.

This can be hard for her considering you are her friend and she must value and enjoy your company. Have you tried to talk to her about how she feels about you? She could be scarred by the things you have shared with her or she could be misinformed. There are also ways to talk to people and sometimes being too direct can scare them.

Even if she is a good friend, sometimes there are differences that are hard to overcome. If this friend is very religious and doesn’t like homosexuals or denies homosexuality, maybe it would be best for you to talk about it with a different friend. Somebody you can trust. It can be an issue she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about and persisting on the subjet could her you.

Maybe giving her some time and not rushing her into these kind of conversations could help the both of you. It is very hard to convince somebody and go against values because it is what she believes in. But you can try to soften her up by opening her eyes to a new perspective. Unfortunately we cant change her mind about homosexuality if she isn’t ready to. You can always show her the Alter Heros web site and help her get a second perspective on the subject.

I hope this helps you to work thing out with your best friend. By writing to us it demonstrates that you really care.

Andreanne, for AlterHeros.