11 juillet 2006

My best friend is gay, but always want to touch me... i don't know what to do

I’m a straight female and my best friend is a gay male. We’re very close, we spend almost every day together and it hasn’t been a problem before but lately I’ve felt like some sexual tension has entered our relationship. I know he’s curious about being with a girl but he’s said he would never do anything with a girl he knew because he wouldn’t want to hurt her. In the past when he’s been drinking he’s begged me to kiss him (I didn’t) and/or tried to touch me sexually. Once he abruptly french kissed me but I didn’t kiss him back. If there is only one bed somewhere we’ll sleep together and he always moves closer to me until we’re touching. The thing is he’s not bisexual he doesn’t even believe people can be bisexual. I’m not sure what he’s doing but he’s really got me confused. He seems to vascillate between wanting to touch me all the time and being repulsed by being remotely near me. Do you have any insight you can offer? I don’t want anything to get in the way of our relationship…

sabrina prégent

Hi Katherine,

Sexual tension can be hard for a relationship and people who live it. If you don’t want it, you probably need to talk about it to keep things clear. However, you two have to be completely honest with each other about your thoughts and feeling concerning this situation. How do you feel when your friend ask you to kiss him, try to sexually touches you or violently frenchkiss you? How do you want your relationship to be? This kind of question can guide you in your conversation with him.

Even if your friend don’t personally believes bisexuality exists, if he is sexually and/or emotionally attracted by (a or several) man/men and (a or several) woman/women, it seems to be bisexuality. But bisexuality doesn’t mean you are attracted 50%-50% by men an women; a lot of bisexual people are more attracted by a gender than another. Some bisexuals are only sexually attracted by men (or women) and emotionally attract by women (or men). The bisexual specter can be very large. However, sexual identity is personal and if your friend doesn’t want to identify himself as a bisexual, it is okay. As long he is comfortable with him and his identity, there is no problem.

Sabrina, AlterHeros