If I'm a lesbian, do I have to have sexual attraction to women? I just want romance!
I am 19 years old, and I came out to my parents as a lesbian, because after dating a girl I discovered I like women. But I broke up this girl because she wanted to kiss me and when she touched me I did not feel anything. What happens is that I contacted this girl online and I felt in love after I read something she have had written. We were sending messages to each others for two months before we met in person, but when we started dating I felt disappointed at her because she was not the person I thought she was. What happens is that I never was attracted to her physically.
I consider myself a lesbian because I like women but I am not physically attracted to them, I meant just by romance.
I wonder if you can be lesbian without sexual attraction or this is a matter of time.
I do not see myself in the future with a man but with a girl. I do not know what it will happen because I just want romance and no sexual relationship.
Please give me advice I am still confused.
Rosemary,
You’re confused about your sexual orientation and your romantic future. It’s ok to not have everything figured out. It takes some people longer than others to understand themselves.
You say that you were not sexually attracted to this girl you met on the internet and that you felt nothing when she kissed you. You also say that you aren’t physically attracted to women in general. You don’t mention if you are physically attracted to men.
It is possible that you simply have a very specific type of person that appeals to you the most. Some people are attracted to all kinds of people and others have more specific and precise requirements in order to be turned on. Ask yourself what kind of person appears in your sexual fantasies. In what way are your fantasies different from the people you meet?
It is also possible that you have a very low sex drive. You could possibly be asexual. Sexual activity and romantic love are two separate things. You can want one without wanting the other.
You can be a lesbian or any other orientation without sexual attraction. However, most partners will expect sexual activity in a relationship. It would be helpful to try to figure out or discover what turns you on and what your limitations are so that you can find a partner who suits you and who can meet your needs and whose needs you can meet in turn.
There is no special formula to figure out who best suits you. The best way to find out is to experiment and be patient until you find out which traits you admire in a partner, or if you really do prefer, in the end, to keep everything non-sexual but focus on romance.
Erinn,
For Alterheros
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