If I’m a lesbian, do I have to have sexual attraction to women? I just want romance!


Rosemary,

You’re confused about your sexual orientation and your romantic future. It’s ok to not have everything figured out. It takes some people longer than others to understand themselves.

You say that you were not sexually attracted to this girl you met on the internet and that you felt nothing when she kissed you. You also say that you aren’t physically attracted to women in general. You don’t mention if you are physically attracted to men.

It is possible that you simply have a very specific type of person that appeals to you the most. Some people are attracted to all kinds of people and others have more specific and precise requirements in order to be turned on. Ask yourself what kind of person appears in your sexual fantasies. In what way are your fantasies different from the people you meet?

It is also possible that you have a very low sex drive. You could possibly be asexual. Sexual activity and romantic love are two separate things. You can want one without wanting the other.

You can be a lesbian or any other orientation without sexual attraction. However, most partners will expect sexual activity in a relationship. It would be helpful to try to figure out or discover what turns you on and what your limitations are so that you can find a partner who suits you and who can meet your needs and whose needs you can meet in turn.

There is no special formula to figure out who best suits you. The best way to find out is to experiment and be patient until you find out which traits you admire in a partner, or if you really do prefer, in the end, to keep everything non-sexual but focus on romance.

Erinn,

For Alterheros


About AlterHéros

Depuis 2002, AlterHéros répond à vos questions en ligne au sujet de la diversité sexuelle, de la pluralité des genres et de la santé sexuelle en général. Nous organisons aussi des activités pour les jeunes LGBTQIA2S+ de 14 à 30 ans et leurs allié.e.s.

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