29 octobre 2006

I don't want to ruin our friendship !

Hi there
I am a 23 yr old female, who is absolutely in love with my female best friend!! We have been friends for many years and are very incrediably close!! We have even shared some pretty intense physical and emotional feelings, It just seems to be at times when we have had a couple drinks…. I think that she may feel the same about me! But I cannot stop thinking about it, It is actually driving me insane. I have neveer had theese feelings about any other female before It is just her. She absoulutley makes my heart skip a beat. I do not know how to discuss this with her. There has been times where she has tried to make a move on me but I back away beacuse I am so scared, but I know it would be amazing!! I dont’t wanna ruin our friendship but I cannot handle these feelings anymore, I have not told anyone so I hope this could be a good start

marilyn c.

Dear Stephanie,

Thank you for writing to AlterHeros. So, you are in love with your


best friend and don’t know how and if you should tell her.

From what you are saying, you seem to be having deep feelings for her,


physically and emotionaly. I understand that her friendship is


very important for you, and I think that you are right when you say

that you

wouldn’t want to risk losing it. However, I strongly believe that you

should let your friend know how you are feeling about her, because


these intense feelings for you is going to be difficult and could even

interfere in your friendship in the long term. Also, you mention that


friend ‘tried to make a move’ on you and therefore seems also

interested by

maybe more than a ‘traditionnal’ friendship with you. Has she ever

mentionned that she was also attracted by women ? Maybe it’s the first


for her too that she is attracted by another girl and she doesn’t know


to tell you and fears your reaction, just as you do for her. If this

is the

case, then one of you has to tell the other first so that you can both


your feelings and see where you want your relationship to go. It is

possible that if you decide to go out together and become a couple, or

decide to have sex, that your relationship will change and maybe that


affect your friendship, if you were to break up later for example.


it is also possible that this will be one of the most beautiful

relationships that you can have in your life, and you should give


the chance to experience it ! Of course, it is also possible that your

friend is not ready to admit to herself her feelings for you, or that

she is

only considering you as a friend and has not thought about the

possibilty of

having any other kind of relationship with you. With that in mind, I


that you could bring up the subject of same-sex relationships/sex with


(you can say you saw two girls kissing in the street/movie and ask her


she thinks about that), see what is her opinion, then asks her if she


ever thought about another girl ‘that way’… Then she will probably


back the question to you and you can then decide whether or not you

want to

tell her your feelings. That being said, in the end, it’s really your


your friend’s) choice about what you want to do, there’s no right or


decision, there are only different paths that you can choose in your


and that will lead you to different experiences. Go with your feelings


you can’t be wrong, just be prepared for all the possible consequences


your actions and everything should be just fine.

I hope that helps Stephanie, and if you have other concerns, don’t


to contact us again ! Let us know how things are going 🙂

Marilyn, for AlterHeros