I asked her to hang out but I’m scared of rejection.

Hi, Kim!

The fact that you were upset knowing she was upset may indicate many things, the big ones being

a) That you care for her, in a way that goes deeper than lust.

b) That you still view her as a friend, and are naturally upset,


c) That you are a compassionate human being, and knowing that others are upset makes you upset.

Or a combination of all three – after all, it’s only natural to be upset when a friend or someone who we are attracted to is upset. If you haven’t seen her since Grade 5, when you were both around ten, you should proceed with caution. Seven years is a long time. For the moment, put aside assessing her as girlfriend material and maybe just try to catch up with an old friend, and get to know her better.

If you let her know about your feelings right away, and she does not reciprocate, you may scare her off and lose the opportunity to get to know her better and reconnect with an old friend. After you have talked more, and re-established your old friendship, that would be the time to broach the subject of your feelings. Keep in mind that she may not reciprocate, not because of any failings on your behalf, but because you’re not what she needs in her life at the moment, or that she values you as a friend too much to risk losing you should a relationship go sour. If you really like this girl, that’s a chance you’ll have to take.

Good luck, I wish you all the best,


for Alterheros

About AlterHéros

Depuis 2002, AlterHéros répond à vos questions en ligne au sujet de la diversité sexuelle, de la pluralité des genres et de la santé sexuelle en général. Nous organisons aussi des activités pour les jeunes LGBTQIA2S+ de 14 à 30 ans et leurs allié.e.s.

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