How can I get her to give me another chance?


Hi Ashley,

I wonder if human relationships are fixable like broken cars or chairs. Sometimes it seems possible, but sometimes there's simply no magical formula, program or short cut. That's why relationships dazzle and puzzle.

It is understandable that you would try and fight for every possibility to have her back in your life since you are deeply in love. I can imagine how hurtful it might be as she seems to be drifting away from you. Nevertheless, it is not only a good idea to give her space, but also to give yourself space. Love overall isn't about possession nor obsession. Love relationships aren't material objects nor mechanical devices. They are a bit like plants or flowers because they have their specific demands, problems and cycles of life. Love relationships (in fact, all relationships) require time and space to grow and care. They especially need nutrients like good communication, trust, passion, patience and comprehension, among others.

The space I recommend you to create for yourself is actually a space of reflection. Ask yourself these questions before you try to ‘fix' something broken: You mentioned you already know what needs to be fixed. What is it exactly? Is your love spacious enough to bring happiness for both of you? Is a respect for her decision and reasons a way of showing your love?

Good luck and write back if you have more questions. I wish you the best! Don’t lose hope, whatever the outcome for each question you are dealing with.

Y,

for Alterheros


About Sue York

Sue has been a volunteer in the Queer HIV+ community, and studied Sociology and Communications. She received her PhD in 2003 and has pondered gender issues for long.

I'm interested in the psyche and offering advice to those who feel stuck or face dilemmas in their coming out.