Am I allowed to have sex at my age ?
Am i allowd to have sex at this age? with another 14 year old at least she said shes been wanting it for a while now and i dont know what to tell her…. i feel as if i should because i know about safe sex, stds, and pregnency. my dad says its ok if i wear a condom but i just dont know what to do? any advice?????
Thank you for writing us. From my understanding, your girlfriend would
to have sex with you (by which I am assuming that you refer to vaginal
penetration by the penis) but you are not sure if you have the right to
so because of your age. Also, you seem not sure about whether you are
really ready to have sex.
To begin, the age of consent (which is basically the age at which you
legally allowed to sign contracts and are considered as being mature
to decide to have sex) is different depending on where you live and on
sexual orientation. If you are from Canada, it is 14 years old for
heterosexuals, so you and your girlfriend are both legally ”allowed”
have sex. However, just because you are ”allowed” doesn’t mean that
HAVE to ! The same goes regarding to your girlfriend; the fact that
expressed the desire to have sex with you in no way obliges you to do
you are not ready. What do I mean by ”being ready to have sex” ?
1) You want to engage in a sexual relationship with your girlfriend at
moment, not because of peer pressure or because she wants too, but
this is something that you personally want right now, with this
2) You know what the consequences can be, i.e. the risk of pregnancies
STDs, etc., know how to best prevent them from happening and are ready
react properly in case that they do happen.
If for any reason you feel that you are not ready to have sex right
then you should not engage in it and you should discuss your feelings
your girlfriend. Also, ”having sex” doesn’t only involve vaginal
penetration by the penis; it can include a lot of other ways to show
other your love and desire. Some examples are cuddling, kissing,
mutual masturbation, manual penetration (with fingers), oral sex, and
others. These are all things that you and your girlfriend might decide
experiment based on your feelings, cusiosity, desire, etc. Do you know
your girlfriend is ready for, and what are her expectations ?
Also, you mention that you think that you know enough about safe-sex,
are you really sure about that ? While wearing a condom during
is a good way to decrease the risk of contracting STDs or getting your
girlfriend pregnant, you have to know that it is not 100% safe; there
always a small risk that the condom pierces, that it doesn’t stay
properly during intercourse especially if you don’t put it on
etc. Also, it is best to combine it’s use with another contraceptive
like the birth control pill to further decrease the risk of pregnancy;
the same line, it is best to not only use the condom at the time of
penetration but also for oral sex, for example, to decrease the risk of
aquiring an STD. While I won’t get too much into the details of how to
safe-sex here, you should make sure that your knowledge is truly
engage in sex in a safe way. I recommend that you read through the
Scarleteen (see link below), which has interesting information about
especially written for teenagers.
Do you know how to safely put on a condom? Do you know when during
intercourse you need to put the condom on and can remove it? Do you
what are the signs, symptoms and complications of all the STDs? Is your
girlfriend taking ”the pill”? Do you know if your girlfriend has
been sexually active (and by that I mean, engaged in any kind of sexual
contact with another person like penetration, oral sex, etc.) and if
she has had recent STDs screening tests? What would you do if your
girlfriend got pregnant? These are only a few of the questions that
should be able to answer before you engage in sex.
I recommend that you discuss these issues with your girlfriend, since
are to begin having sexual intercourse or any kind of sexual activity
her, there should be a good level of trust and communication between
both of you to make sure that you will each feel respected no matter
your decision regarding to the level of sexual contact that you are
have, and that the experience will be enjoyable and less stressful for
two. You might also wish to discuss with an older adult that you feel
confortable with, like your parents, a teacher or a doctor, who would
able to provide you with more information about safe-sex and about
in general. If you live in Montréal, you can contact the Head and
center (see website below), which has a medical clinic that deals with
and young adults; if you are not from Montréal, you can check to see if
there are similar services in your area.
Well, I hope that this was helpful Tyler! If there is anything else,
hesitate to contact us again !
Marilyn, for AlterHeros