Hi cam,

thanks for writing to us! I will try to help you in your questionings. You say you think you are ftm and that what is holding you back is telling your friends and family. You wrote that you follow a trans guy on tiktok and that you watch a lot of his content. You say that you want to look like him but you also are not sure about your feelings concerning your body. You mention an ambivalence towards your body. It feels like you are uncertain about your identity and your body.

It can be hard to explore your relationship with your body, but it could help you know how you feel about a transition and your identity.

I suggest that you look up the effects of testosterone hormonotherapy and inform yourself on the impacts on the body. It could help you see what you like about your body and what you would like to change. That way, you might be able to determine how you feel towards your body.

Here is somewhere you can start.

The same can be done with transitioning. There are multiple ways to transition. For example:

Social transition: Express your gender the way you want through your clothing, your hair, the way you move and by using a name and pronouns you are comfortable with.

Medical transition: Use hormonal therapy and/or surgeries to align your body to how you feel it should be.

Legal transition: Change your name and/or gender markers on your legal documents so they fit with who you are. Legal transition enables you to receive the official recognition of your gender if it aligns with the limited legal gender markers which are F (female), M (male) and X (depending where you live).

Also, if I may, what exactly do you like about this guy you follow on different social media platforms? Is it his style, the way he looks, the way he expresses himself, what he represents to you, the message he is telling or something else? The answer might help you understand better how you feel and what you are looking for.

Understanding how you feel towards your body and transitioning varies from person to person. Some know immediately how they feel, and others take more time and that’s okay. Some will never really know and will only have a vague feeling and that’s okay too.

Moreover, you do not have to be extremely uncomfortable with your body to transition. Some people who decide to transition feel like their body is not their own but others who make the same decision feel okay towards their body. If you feel like it is the right thing to do for you, then it is.

Telling friends and family can be really intimidating, especially if you don’t know how they will react to it. Knowing how you feel about yourself can help you be more assured when you tell your friends and family. However, you do not need to have everything figured to tell them. There is no right way to do it, you do it the way it feels better to you. 

I do have to warn you that even if coming out may be an important part of your transition journey, you need to be careful of your safety. Sadly, some people, parents and friends, do not react well to people telling them they are trans. If you feel like they would not react well or if you know they do not support trans people, you might have to be careful. You also don’t have to « come out » for your identity to be valid.

I encourage you to continue your thinking on your feelings towards your body and transitioning.

Don’t hesitate to write to us if you have another question.

Gab, sexology intern at AlterHéros