21 April 2005

Wondering if I'm bisexual

Hi. I’m 14 years old just wondering if I’m bisexual. I know this sounds weird, but the thought of being bi sort of scares me. I have been pretty far with a guy (oral sex) and enjoyed it, but I often find myself thinking about girls. I have never kissed a girl or anything, but I think about it all the time. Do you think I’m bi or am I just exploring/experimenting.


Hi Emily,

Thank you for your question, it is one that many girls your age are asking themselves. First of all, I just want to tell you how brave you are for asking yourself these questions. Many people keep it all inside and deny a lot of their emotions, but these feelings are completely natural.

Attraction is not a black and white thing, it’s far more complex than that. Some people feel that they are completely heterosexual or completely homosexual, but just as often people’s sexual orientation changes in time, or switches back and forth. On the other hand, some people are attracted to both genders, and have relationships with people based on qualities that are not reducible to male or female qualities. And, some people are attracted to both genders but prefer one to another as far as dating is concerned.

What I am trying to say is that no matter who you are attracted to, it’s perfectly normal to have feelings for men and women, and it’s perfectly normal to explore and question your sexual orientation. Since we live in a society that pushes heterosexuality, sometimes we think it’s better to just be with someone of the opposite gender, when really, the most important thing is to be confidant and comfortable with who you are.


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