9 March 2009

Why do I find men SO physically unappealing?

I am soon to be 45 and I am self-identified as a lesbian. The reason I have decided that I am a lesbian is because I don’t like male biology—from the daily smegma accumulations, to the viscuous, invasive fluids, hard bodies, to the rather cold and analytical manner of relating to others which is governed by testosterone.. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate men. I just can’t embrace our differences to like them romantically. My question is, and if you could give this answer more insight than you think I am asking for….; If you could tell me why heterosexual women like these (in my estimation) unappealing attributes.


Dear SpunkAllergy,

If I was to ask you why you love women instead of men would your reply be so heavily estrogen related? Someone does not “switch sides” due to the unappealingness of men so much as to the attraction they have to women for whom they are. That is for their mind and body. I use the term body loosely because it is not as much a physical attraction as it is a sexual attraction that carries ones hormones to the right spots!

As much as women who love men (or men who love men, for that matter!) love their physical attributes, I’m sure you have your reasons for being attracted to ‘female parts’. It boils down to taste and personal physical/sexual attraction. No one can say exactly why one person may or may not be attracted to a gender as a whole. When homosexuality was less ‘out there’ (in the media, accepted by a larger population, etc), some speculated that male pheremones attracted women to the opposite sex and vice versa. As we know now, maybe this is not a valid excuse, since men can be attracted to men, and women can be attracted to women.

You may not hate men but you seem to have them stigmatized as hardcore testosterone-carrying homosapiens. You have every right to love women and not men. Just make sure it is for the right reasons. What was right for you once before may not be right for you now. You too are an evolving homosapien, regardless of your estrogen level!

What I can leave you with is an idea that some people prefer angular body types, some prefer soft curves. Some people would gag at the thought of going down on a man, and others, going down on a woman. This spans across gender lines, and explains why some lesbians are attracted to femmy types, and others prefer more androgynous or butchy types…all a matter of taste!

Dee and M.,

for Alterheros