Pornography addiction, masturbation and sexual orientation: what's going on with me?

I am in the early stages of puberty, which means i am very young. But i have a problem going for months now. I know that young boys, can be aroused to different kinds of pornography easily. I also had that phase, but i only masturbated on men turning into animals, men into girls, men into musuclar men, etc. It is very weird i agree.
But i the really weird thing is i masturbate on gay pornoghrapy, i dont know why. but i think it was because i masturbated on muscular men than other transformations (tf’s). I thought i was gay. But i dont think i am. I started to like “bulges” too. Then my brain wads crazy one day, i cant control of myself thinking about my friends being naked and having a gigantic penis.
Last month was the most gay/muscular men masturbation i ever had. Im clearly addicted to it. Am i gay?, How can i stop doing this gay/muscular man masurbation?, And finally, After this phase, will i be using nrmal pornography/masturbating at the opposite sex ?

Marie-Édith Vigneau

Hi Alex,

Thanks for getting in touch with us.
You are wondering if you are gay and if you will ever go back to masturbating while watching and/or thinking about women and what you call “normal” pornography. Also, say you would like to stop masturbating while thinking about “muscular men”.

First, let’s go back to basics. Masturbation is normal and it is an excellent way to learn more about yourself, the things that turn you on and what makes your body feel good.. The fantasies you have about your friends are also normal. You might think that your brain is going crazy, but it is not; fantasies are another great way to know more about yourself and enjoy your sexuality. The greatest thing about sexual fantasies is that they belong to you and that nobody can read your mind. It’s a space where you can imagine whatever you want. To use your example, it is okay to think about your friends having a gigantic penis (or picture them with huge breasts, or think about making love with them, or anything else, really)… and there is no need to worry about it.
Also, you mention that young boys can be aroused easily by different kinds of pornography. Let’s specify that arousal depends on the person watching the pornographic content, no matter how old she is. Some people can be super turned on by some images while other people might be completely indifferent to that same content.
That being said, pornography is restricted to adults only and that there’s a reason why things are made that way. Porn can have a huge impact on your sexual imagination and the way you think sex works, especially when you are young and/or if you’re watching it without having experienced sexuality before and/or not knowing much about yourself, what you like and what turns you on. You can be really disappointed about your future sex life after watching so much porn during your puberty and teenage years. Remember this: porn does not represent reality.
You mention that you are addicted to pornography. If I understand correctly, you would like to watch keep watching it, but not the same kind that you’re watching now, all without being addicted to it. That could be very challenging. There are many ways to deal with addiction, but the first step to recovery never changes: it is about acknowledging there’s something wrong going on and, in your case, that pornography has a negative impact on your day-to-day life. What kind of repercussions does pornography have on your daily life? Do you sometimes choose porn over activities with friends, going to school, spending time with your family? Does it affect your grades? Do you feel less satisfied than before when you watch porn? Do you feel that you need stronger images each time you masturbate? If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, you might be addicted to porn.
Here are a few articles you can read to get more info about porn addiction.
– Kids Help Phone: Pornography Addiction (that one is really amazing)
– Kids Help Phone: Porn Addiction
– Tel-Jeunes: Watching Sex
It would be great if you had support from someone around you to achieve your goals. It could be a friend you trust, a family member, a counselor, etc. I also suggest that you move your computer to a space that is accessible to everyone (living room, for example) so it becomes less tempting (maybe even impossible!) to access porn online.
About your sexual orientation, you are the only one who can tell if you are homosexual (gay), heterosexual (straight) or bisexual. Have you ever fallen in love with someone? Are you more interested in men? Women? Both? Who do you see yourself with in the future? Do you sometimes fantasize about women as well? You have to know that whatever your answers are, your sexual orientation is normal and valid. It is okay to be gay. It is okay to be bi. It is okay to be heterosexual. I know that sometimes, it feels better to have a word that represents us and who we like, but you don’t have to fit in one box or another. It’s also okay to be questioning your sexual and romantic preferences and not knowing what they are!
I’ll leave you with two other questions that are very similar to yours:
– Muscular attraction
– I’m starting to like men but I still like women, how can I be straight?
I hope you now have enough information to take care of yourself, Alex! Thank you for your trust and don’t hesitate to send us another message if you feel the need to.
Marie-Édith, for AlterHéros