My husband has had same sex intercourse and cross-dresses- should I stay with him?
Hi, I have been married for 4 years. Early in my marriage my husband shared with me that he had had same sex intercourse. I didn’t know what to do.
In my culture that is called”gay” no matter if later on you are married. I seeked help and they recommended a divorce. I love him so much that I didn’t and to make it better he told me it was just a test to see what would I do.
Yesterday he told me again that it was true. He did have same sex intercouse more than once and he liked it. He also likes to put things in his rectum when he masturbates. Also, he says that he doesn’t like guys because they are gross and that is wrong.
However, he wants me to wear a strap-on to see if I like it. He also wants to dress like a girl, wears my underwear and shaves like a girl. I think this is too much but I love him. I want to be with him. I don’t know if wanting to be with him is wrong.
What should I do?
I am really confused.
Christina
Hello Christina,
Thank you for your question.
I’m sure this is a very confusing time for you in your marriage. Even if in your culture it is considered ‘wrong’ to perform the acts that your husband says he likes to take part in, if you really love him, I don’t think it’s wrong that you stand by him.
There are many men who find it stimulating to be penetrated anally, regardless of their sexual orientation. Also, some men find it arousing to be penetrated by their female partner. It couldn’t hurt to try the strap-on to see how you feel about using it. If you don’t like it, there is no harm in trying. If you dislike it, you can then explain to your husband that for you, it is not pleasurable.
I have known other men who have said similar things, i.e. that men are “gross”, even though they enjoy same sex intercourse. Perhaps the pleasure he feels when he is with a man is merely physical, and perharps it has nothing to do with being physically attracted to a man. Perhaps this is why he asks you to try using a strap-on.
He must really enjoy the sensation of being penetrated via his rectum, regardless if it is done by an artificial or real phallus. If he would tell you that he enjoys having sex with men because, for example, he likes their penis, or that he enjoys kissing them… this would indicate that he might be bisexual or gay. But since he insists men are “gross”, he may have just slept with them out of curiosity and then enjoyed the physical sensation, which he had yet to experience with a woman.
These are things to think about if you plan on engaging in anal penetration with a strap-on, or granting your husband’s wishes to cross-dress, shave or wear your underwear. Some people would consider this behavior strange, yet others find it completely normal. It is really up to you and your partner to discuss and try things out.
Seeking advice led you to a direct answer: divorce. If you don’t agree with that solution, you must find ways to continue being with your husband, and continue to love him for who he is. If a doctor, lawyer, social worker, etc, decide divorce is the best idea, remember, they are not the ones married to this man – YOU are.
In the end, you have to feel comfortable with your own decisions, and cannot simply follow what others tell you is the only solution. Good luck with everything, and if you still feel confused, don’t hesitate to write to us again,
Dee, for AlterHeros
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