#same gender relationship
#sexual orientation
28 January 2010

My friend seems to really like me but she says she's not gay.

Ive always liked guys until this one girl. At first we were friends but I like her so much. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but I couldnt stop thinking about her. I ended up telling her my feelings and she was fine with it. We would text every night and mad flirt; but then our friends found out and she completely turned on me saying shes not gay and she was kidding the whole time. She did eventually apologize for that, but it still hurt. Weve gone back to normal of texting every day and night, but it bugs me. She gets jealous when I talk about the guy I like because she’s scared I won’t like her anymore, and says things like Im like a drug, she cant go a day without talking me, shes scared of losing me and stuff like that. She even said, “It’s weird, when I get a text from you I get excited”. And how it bugs her that she cant give me what a guy can. Its little things she says like oh we should go skating and I won’t let you fall by holding your hand that gets me. Im confused…

Kay Wo

Hi Stephanie,

Thanks for writing in to us at AlterHéros. It sounds like you’re going through some confusing stuff right now. From what you’ve written in to us it seems that you’ve always liked guys up until you starting hanging out with your friend who is a girl. You’ve told her how you felt about her, which she seemed fine with until your mutual friends found out, resulting in her telling you that she was kidding and that she wasn’t gay. Since then, she has apologised but has been acting in a way that makes you think that she still likes you more than just a friend (e.g. texting you, telling you that you’re like a drug, that she can’t go a day without talking to you and that she’s scared of losing you).

Understandably, all the things that she has been doing and saying are very confusing. She seems to be giving you the impression that she wants to be with you, but insists that she’s not gay. If you want to work through this confusion, the best thing to do would be to talk to your friend. It sounds like you two are quite close, especially since you were brave enough to confront her when she hurt your feelings before. So plan to hang out with her for some one on one time and tell her exactly how you’ve been feeling about the way she’s been treating you. Make sure you’re in a quiet place so you won’t be interrupted and talk to her and share your thoughts and feelings with her.

Hopefully she’ll be able to explain why she treats you the way that she does; the sooner you talk to her, the sooner you can get some answers. Until then, there isn’t really much to do. If you would like to write to us again after talking to her to let us know how it went, we’d be more than happy to listen to the new developments. Good luck with your upcoming chat and keep up posted if you wish to write in again!


K-Wo for AlterHéros