5 February 2005

Is this normal to think like this?

I need some advice on how to deal with my issues. I am really attracted to guys and have always gone further with guys than girls. But then I think about what would it be like to do something with someone of the same sex as me. What should I do? Is this normal to think like this? Also, there is this one someone that is always on my mind and I can’t stop thinking about them, but I have tried to tell myself to get rid of those feelings. Do you have some advice? – Carla


Hey Carla,

It is perfectly normal to have sexual attractions to both women and men. In fact, many people believe that sexuality is fluid, and cannot be fixed into ‘straight/gay’ or ‘heterosexual/homosexual’. Researchers such as Alfred Kinsey believed that only 10 percent of the population was strictly heterosexual and 10 percent strictly homosexual, leaving 80 percent of people falling somewhere in the middle. If sexuality is indeed fluid, it explains why you are feeling attracted to both sexes, and it even explains why you are attracted more to guys than girls.

As for your second question, I’m curious to know why you are trying to rid yourself of these feelings? Unless there is some great obstacle preventing you from having feelings for this person, or unless it is impossible for some reason, you should not deny yourself the pleasure of caring for another individual. Caring for and having feelings for someone, no matter what those feelings are (sexual, emotional or so on) need not be denied (unless of course they are illegal). If you could give me more details on the situation, I may be able to give you better advice.