22 March 2005

In love with a friend who isn't gay.

I’m a 17 years old bisexual woman and I’m in love with a college friend. She thinks that I only fancy her so she teases me a little and strokes me and stuff. But I find it hard because I love her and I don’t know what to do because she isn’t gay. Can you help me? – Aby

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Hi Aby!

Thank you for your question. We want to apologize the delay that we took to answer it. You’re in a situation that, while hard, is more common than you might realise. It happens between queers and our straight friends, but it also happens between queers and other queers, and straight people and other straight people. Anytime a friend has a crush that isn’t reciprocated, things can get complicated. And, hard as it might be, have you tought about talking to your friend?

She already knows that you are bisexual and she knows that you “fancy her.” It’s not fair to you, or her, if she “teases” you while you have feelings for her. You might want to explain that since you like her, it’s hard for you when she “teases” and “strokes” you, since you would like to have more of a relationship with her than a friendship.

There is, of course, the outcome to the discussion that we all hope and yearn for – that our friends will suddenly realise they are attracted to us too and we’ll live happily ever after. Unfortunately, this seldom happens. Maybe she’ll remind you that she is straight and that her minor flirtations with you meant nothing to her. Disappointing though that might seem, you won’t have to continue pursuing someone who isn’t interested and your friend won’t accidentally be leading you on. Hopefully, then, once both of your feelings are out in the open, it’ll be easier for you to move on… and hopefully find a new crush who is attracted to you!

Good luck,

Team AlterHeros