20 October 2004

I'm out but still questioning, and I need some advice. Help me!

Hi… Well, everyone knows about the term “coming out of the closet”… Well a while back, I was pulled out. So now I don’t know what to do. Everywhere I look, there’s someone making a wise-crack about it. Problem is, I’m not sure myself what I am. I never really cared before, I just rolled with the punches. But now that everyone knows, everything is just unbearable. They even somehow found out about some of my past experiences, and are using them as a basis. even though anyone knows, I can’t seem to admit it. My close friends stuck around (mostly because they’re homosexual or bisexual, so they’re fine with it). Even though they know what I’m going through, I can’t seem to speak up. I don’t know what i’m asking really, I just want some advice, to make things a bit easier and reassure me. Thanks for your time, and for trying to answer my slightly confusing letter. – Jeffrey

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Hello Jeffrey!

Thanks for writing us! As you’ve already realized, coming out before you’re ready isn’t easy. And having others label you, before you’ve told them which label/sexuality you’re comfortable with isn’t easy either. What I can suggest is that you start by talking with your friends.

Try being honest with them and keeping it simple. You can tell them just what you’ve written here: “Even though you know what I’m going through, I’m not ready to speak up.” Try explaining why: “I’m not sure myself what I am.” And since they are your friends, and have been through this, tell them that you hope that when you are ready to talk they will be supportive of you. As for the people who are talking about you, whom you don’t consider to be friends, hard as it may be, try to ignore them. If it gets out of hand, you can ask your friends or trusted adults (teachers, school counselor, parent, etc.) for support in dealing with them (asking them to stop talking about you, gossiping).

In the mean time, try not to feel pressured by what others are saying. You’re the only one who know what you’re feeling. Others can’t define or label you, only you can. So continue to figure things out however you are comfortable doing so, at your own pace.

Good luck!

Team AlterHeros