20 September 2005

I love the idea of being with another girl, but am I lesbian?

Hi 🙂 I’m so confused. I’ve always had crushes on boys (on their personalities, not appearances), and now men, but when I get into a sexual situation with them, I just don’t even want to touch them, and all I can think is ‘how absurd’. With the few boyfriends I’ve had, once I’ve managed to ‘get’ them, I lose all interest.
In contrast, I love the idea of being with another woman. I love everything to do with it – the emotional connection in particular. I get all tingly when I read lesbian love stories, and I feel deep down that that is what I want. But I haven’t had crushes on women like I have with men. I think I may have been in love with a girl because I couldn’t stop thinking about her for months, and I wanted to be around her more than anything else in the world. I wanted to kiss her and do everything else, too, but before anything could happen between us, life intervened.
I’m worried that I love the idea of lesbian love so much that I’m just convincing myself that I might be bisexual of lesbian. I know that I’m attracted to personality rather than appearance, but I don’t know what to think. Please please help.

sabrina prégent

Hi Annie,

Thanks for your question. It’s hard to be confused about our own sexual preference, I know, but take your time because you are the one that know what you really like. You said you didn’t have a lot of experiences with women, but you know that you love the idea of be in love with one of them.

Maybe the best thing to do for the moment is to live your life without putting a name on your sexuality. When you will be more comfortable with homosexuality and what it means to you, maybe it will be the time to ask about your own orientation. The key is to take your time.

Some suggestions : do you have lesbian friends ? By knowing more the lesbian community, you may be more comfortable with your own sexual orientation.

Studies have shown that some be people can be sexually attracted to one sex, and emotionally attracted to the other gender. It can be confusing, but its normal.

Thanks for your question !

AlterHeros team.