24 March 2006

I am in love with the boyfriend of my best friend...

I have a question about love. I am in love with the boyfriend of my best friend. She does not like him very much because she likes someone else but she uses him a second choice. He also likes me.. he has said this to me.. and now he has mixed feelings between me and her. I told him that I could not start a relationship with him because of my best friend. But what should I do now.. He likes me.. I like him and my best friend does nto really like him but stays with him anyway.. what can I do?



I’m glad you chose to write to us about your problem. I can see how this is a big dilemma for you. There is only one piece of advice I can give you and that is to be honest. Honesty brings people together and sometimes breaks them apart. But no matter what it does, it’s better than living in denial or continuously hiding. If she is your best friend, talk to her about it, share what you have been feeling. It may be uncomfortable and hard to do, but she should come to understand why you had to tell her and appreciate your honesty. It’s called treasuring a friendship, and that’s no walk in the park.

If you are honest, it might help her be honest too. If she really doesn’t like him that much and uses him as a backup, it might encourage her to be honest. She might realise that nobody deserves to be treated as a second choice, it’s not fair for this guy. She’ll know that she is hurting alot of people with what she is doing.

If you decide not to tell her, understand that you can try to hide it but you usually can’t keep in the dark forever. If she finds out later on that you have had feelings for him for a long time, you could loose a friendship. You could even end up having to choose between him and her. It is very hard to earn somebody’s trust but very easy to loose it. Do not underestimate what is at risk.

I don’t know what will happen and I can’t predict her reaction if you tell her but at least you’ll know that you took your responsibilities as a friend and you did the right thing.

Best wishes,

Andréanne, for AlterHeros