I am heartbroken – girl in love with a gay guy !


I am totally and completely in love with a gay guy. When I met him he was bisexual and I dated him for 2 and a half years… I love him so much, he is the only person that can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time… We prioritized each other in everything….. and I have so many memories… We were best friends who have been through everything but my heart is ripped and can’t be healed. Now that we’re not together anymore, I shall never love again. He was perfect.
I love Zak and I have to accept everything, it’s hard and I have been through more than anyone I know. People ask me how can I love him, but no one will ever know him the way I know him… Hopefully I will get help from you. I can’t get him out of my mind, I’m hopelessly in love. Any advice would be welcome. Please I feel my heart died. What can I do????
Kandace

Hi Kandace,

First, I would like to thank you for trusting us and writing to us.

It can be very painful when your romantic love to someone ceases to be returned especially when, like in your situation, love was reciprocal in the beginning.

I understand how you still have strong feelings for Zak and how difficult it is for you to accept that his sexuality may have changed and that your relationship has come to an end. Sexuality is something we can’t control, like feelings and unlike actions. What that means is that Zak feels the way he does independently of you and you hold no responsibility in that. What it may mean for you is be patient with yourself: you can’t stop feeling strongly for someone from one day to another, moving on takes time and a little bit of work. By work, I mean taking the time to reconnect with yourself outside of the relationship you were in for the last few years. You could do things you enjoy but didn’t have the time to do before. Spending time with good friends or family members who care about you and with whom you can have fun with and even distract yourself a little can really help you through this hard time.

When you feel a lot of love it means that you are able to feel and be connected to your emotions, and what that says is that your heart is able to love. No matter how your heart hurts right now, remember that you don’t have to die from heart break; you can courageously learn to let go of the one you love and one day you can love again and have someone love you in return, even though that may seem impossible to you right now. I am not sure how old you are but regardless of age, our first love is important to many of us. Beautiful memories can stay with you forever despite the fact that your romantic relationship may not exist anymore, and moreover new memories of other romantic relationships eventually will form.

I wish you the best. Take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to write back if you feel the need to,

Nania, for AlterHeros

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