Hi Kandace,

First, I would like to thank you for trusting us and writing to us.

It can be very painful when your romantic love to someone ceases to be returned especially when, like in your situation, love was reciprocal in the beginning.

I understand how you still have strong feelings for Zak and how difficult it is for you to accept that his sexuality may have changed and that your relationship has come to an end. Sexuality is something we can’t control, like feelings and unlike actions. What that means is that Zak feels the way he does independently of you and you hold no responsibility in that. What it may mean for you is be patient with yourself: you can’t stop feeling strongly for someone from one day to another, moving on takes time and a little bit of work. By work, I mean taking the time to reconnect with yourself outside of the relationship you were in for the last few years. You could do things you enjoy but didn’t have the time to do before. Spending time with good friends or family members who care about you and with whom you can have fun with and even distract yourself a little can really help you through this hard time.

When you feel a lot of love it means that you are able to feel and be connected to your emotions, and what that says is that your heart is able to love. No matter how your heart hurts right now, remember that you don’t have to die from heart break; you can courageously learn to let go of the one you love and one day you can love again and have someone love you in return, even though that may seem impossible to you right now. I am not sure how old you are but regardless of age, our first love is important to many of us. Beautiful memories can stay with you forever despite the fact that your romantic relationship may not exist anymore, and moreover new memories of other romantic relationships eventually will form.

I wish you the best. Take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to write back if you feel the need to,

Nania, for AlterHeros