24 September 2008

I am attracted to someone else than my husband but I don't want to lose my family

I am a mother of 2 kids… The problem started when my girlfriend taught me how to chat; then I became addicted to chatting. I also met this guy at the chatroom and then we became very close to each other but we never met in person. We see each other only on the webcam… Our relasionship stayed that way for nearly 3 years… I don’t know when it will stop but i know this is wrong because I have a husband who is good and kids. I kept telling myself this guy is just my past-time but now I am not so sure anymore. I don’t want to lose my family or this guy because I know that he loves me and I think I love him too. Please help me deal with my feelings. Maybe I have made a mistake..

lauren delrio

Hi Cherry,

It sounds like you are confused about your online relationship with a man outside your marriage. You seem to be questioning your priorities and values when it comes to relationships and families.

You may need to take a step back from the situation and decide what you value more. On the one hand, you say that you enjoy your family, and that your husband is a good man. You also seem to have feelings for this other man, however, and you say he feels the same way about you. There is no single right decision in this case, there is only the decision that is right for you.

Whatever decision you do make, though, you should be aware that there will be repercussions. If you choose to pursue a relationship with this other man, it means giving up marriage to your husband, and possibly time spent with your kids. It doesn’t mean you would necessarily lose your relationship with your children altogether, although they can have a strong reaction and possibly be angry with you for a while. However, you will and will always be their mother, so if you persist in maintaining a relationship with them, you have a good chance to succeed.

If you choose to stay with your husband, I would recommend cutting off contact with this other man. It is likely that you are attracted to this other man because there is something unsatisfactory in your relationship. You may consider talking to your husband about issues that may be making you feel unhappy in your relationship. It may help to decrease contact or even cease contact with this man while and if you attempt to repair your relationship.

Regardless of your choice, you can always seek extra help from a counselor. You may want to consider visiting a marriage counselor if you decide to stay with your husband, to determine how to make you both more satisfied with the marriage. Hope this helps, and please feel free to write back if you have any more questions.

Good luck!

Lauren, for AlterHeros