13 July 2005

How to be less clingy?

Help Me! I am a lesbian female i need a lot of help emotionally. I am too afraid to start a new relationship. I am mostly attracted to masculine girls and they mostly act just like guys. So when i become the clingy person i am they back down. Now i have scared this girl i am totally in love with away by becoming too clingy. How can I not be too clingy or too scared to fall in love again?


Hi there Maria!

I want to thank you for your question. Relationships can be very difficult. Often, people make them even more difficult because of the lack of communication. A healthy relationship should have it’s share of compromises on both sides. Unfortunately, it’s rarely the case, there’s always a stronger character who tends to “rule” the relationship with a more dependant person. In your case, if you really love your partner, you should be yourself and not try to do too much. Playing roles to satisfy others and living in denial of your own person won’t build strong relationships. Maybe your partners see that your persona is not natural enough so it’s reason why they leave you after a short while. You should ask yourself “do I act in a unnatural way with my partners?” or “is it my partners instead who tend to overreact because they won’t accept me the way I am?”

Be yourself, don’t try to please your partner and if she’s not wiling to accept you the way you are, don’t bother to stay with her, maybe she’s not the right person for you! To not get stuck too much into your relationship, you can try to do other stuff and not be 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with your girlfriend. Try to do more stuff outside (go see your friends, do sports, read, do community work, etc.). If you’re able to mark your territory and develop yourself into a more independant person, you should be less clingy with your partners in the future. You shouldn’t be scared to fall in love again. Love can be the most beautiful thing, you just have to find the right person at the right time.

I hope all of this will help you. Now, if you’re clingy attitude is too much of a problem, you can try to seek help elsewhere by meeting a psychologist or go to a local medical center to find information about community groups willing to help you in your area.

Good luck! I hope you’ll find peace and finally meet that one special person for you. If you have other questions, send us another e-mail!