23 February 2014

Testimony - Crossdressing and exploring my sexuality

My experiences as the other gender.


I have always wondered what it would be like to spend a day as the opposite gender.
My youth was spent playing pretend guns and toy cars while girls played dolls and pretended to be princesses. It would be an understatement to say that a lot of my early years were filled with jealousy. I have all these boring clothes, with my boring old hair, and there’s Cindy across the street, flaunting her new dress as all the boys eye her, just wishing for her attention. I wanted to be Cindy. I wanted to be the Princess.

For me it started with Panties. I didn’t have many female friends when I was a kid, it was always boys, boys, boys! However, there was one girl I knew because I was friends with her older brother. While I made frequent visits to his house, I also made sneaky visits to her room. I would take a pair of clean Panties and wear them underneath my clothing. The thought of it drove me wild with curiosity. I had built a collection of my own after a period of time and began wearing them more, and more frequently. It was all well until one day my friend’s mom had started to notice they were going missing. I had been asked if I knew anything about them, and from that day forward I knew I was going to have to curb my addiction for a while.

It turned into years. I began going through all the different stages of puberty, my body was going through rapid changes. Not only was I, but so were girls. They started to develop boobs, and wide hips. My desire to be just like them turned into an obsession. I would go over in my head all the things I would do if I were a girl. I sought out Bras and panties, but never had any luck. I was older now and understood the complications of what could happen if I got caught.

A few years passed. I’m 17 now. On the outside, I’m your average guy. A reasonable amount of friends, long term girlfriend, trying to get through school on my own. On. My. Own.

The relationship between my mother and I was damaged through constant fighting. I moved out and now, I’m trying to complete high school by myself. Every day is a battle. I approach every day with a disadvantage trying to level myself with the rest of the student population. One of the things I have come to value about my new living arrangements is my time alone. I now have the space, and time to be who I want to be. I no longer have to worry about getting caught wearing female clothing. I am now free to do what I like. The only thing I have to worry about, is my girlfriend.

I’ve always had a thing for girls, I’ve tried to rationalize this so many ways. Maybe I’m bisexual, or maybe my feminine side is attracted to girls, which would make me a lesbian. I bet you can guess what I prefer. One day she caught me wearing a thong. It was the most horrible moment of my life. I felt disgusting and like a freak, I no longer had a desire to live. But what amazed me is that, she accepted me for who I was. She even went as far as buying me my own panties and giving me her old clothes and pj’s, reluctantly at first, but she accepts me for who I am. There isn’t a day that goes by where she looks at me different for what I am wearing underneath my clothing. To an extent, I am free to be who I want to be and have every intention of pursuing it further.

So to anyone reading this, to anyone who can relate. We are all human, we are all equal and we should all be free to be who we want to be. Just remember that we are all unique, and that somewhere out there, there is someone who values that and who is here to appreciate you. Thanks for reading and remember to keep your head up.