23 July 2008

Am I bisexual or lesbian?

I’m Sarah, I’m 14 And I Thought I was ‘ Bisexual ‘. I Have A Girlfriend Named Sophie Who I’m Very Much In Love With. But Whenever Someone Asks Me What My Sexual Orientation Is I Say « Bi ».
But I’m Really Confused About Whether I’m Bi Or Lesbian Because I haven’t Had Sexual Thoughts About Men In Almost A Year. Is This Just Because I’m In A Relationship With A Girl And That’s Always On My Mind? Or am I just Lesbian and not bisexual? – Please Help, Sarah

lauren delrio

Hi Sarah,

Thank you for writing to AlterHeros. It sounds like you are confused about your sexual orientation because you have not had sexual feelings towards men in a while, and you are in a relationship with another woman.

Sexual orientation doesn’t have to be regarded as definite. There is always a tendency to try to fit into a category, to be “heterosexual” or “bisexual”, when in reality, most people do not fit into these categories. Some people have described sexual orientation as a sliding graph between 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual, whereas a person can be more attracted to one gender than the other but still has some attraction to many genders.

You sound worried about not being able to say exactly what your sexual orientation is, but that is normal, especially at your age when a lot of people are experimenting sexually and deciding what they want. It could be that you are not attracted to men at all, or it could be that you are just thinking about it less when you are in a relationship with a woman. There is no ‘right’ answer, since the right answer is whatever feels right to you.

If you are still worried about this, you could always discuss sexual orientation with a counsellor or another trusted adult. I hope this answer has helped, and please don’t hesitate to write back if you have any more questions.

Good luck!

Lauren, for AlterHeros