26 March 2009

Age gap and bisexuality

I’m feeling confused.
I have a crush on a guy right now, but he’s unattainable. A few months back I had a crush on a girl. This was the first time I felt this way and it was a very strong crush. I wished I could have pursued that, but she’s my friend and I knew she wouldn’t feel the same way as I felt toward her.
Anyway, I don’t know who I’m attracted to anymore. I’m not going to label myself just yet, which leaves me in a state of not really knowing a large part of myself. I don’t like that.
That’s not my only problem. I wish to be in a relationship again. I miss having a boyfriend there for me. I miss being able to “touch” him even if it’s a simple hug. I would really like that, but the thing is I’m not attracted to anyone my age, girl or guy. I like one person, as I’ve stated before, but he’s a teacher.
Sometimes I feel he’s the only thing keeping me on the “home team”. I don’t care if I turn out to be Bisexual, Lesbian or whatever I just want to know: What do I do now?


Hi Veronica,

I don’t think labels are necessarily helpful, since people often judge others with the help of labels, but since you are confused, I will offer my advice. It’s hard to say, at this point, whether you are bisexual, bi-curious, lesbian or straight. If you have never had any physical relationships, it can be hard to determine which gender

interests you the most, as you have no basis for comparison. You say that you have had crushes on both guys and girls, so it seems that right now you are definitely leaning towards bisexuality, by your own system of labeling. Is there anything that particularly bothers you about this designation?

Whatever your sexual orientation, the important thing to remember is that these feelings are natural. You are interested in people and attracted to them. Whether you are more interested in men or women or both doesn’t really matter, so long as you are being true to yourself and your feelings.

As far as your concerns about having a boyfriend who is there for you, or someone with whom you can have simple physical contact, what about your friends? If you are feeling lonely and just need to feel close to people, you can share a hug with almost anyone. Sometimes all you need to do is ask; many times other people feel the same way, but are afraid they will look stupid asking for this kind of affection. If

your friends care about you, they will be happy to give you a hug. After all, they’re easy to give, hard to screw up, and they’re free!

It’s also okay to feel like there is no one your age whom you find attractive. Girls mature faster than boys, and can often feel like the guys their age are just not capable of understanding them. I would advise against hitting on your teacher, as this puts you both in an awkward position, but there’s nothing wrong with feeling attracted to an older man, as he likely treats you with more respect than the

16-year-old boys you know. Don’t give up hope! The maturity gap will decrease over time, and you may eventually find you are attracted to people your own age. Hang in there and give people a chance to surprise you.

– Laura, for Alterheros