Kay Wo


About Kay Wo

Kay holds a master degree in sexology. She has also been involved in public speaking to youth on fighting homophobia in schools, as well as working with youth living with HIV. Kay volunteers also for CAEO Québec (Gay Line, Gay Online and SILK).

Since I joined the AlterHéros team, I have greatly enjoyed my time as an “Tell the expert” expert. Not only do I enjoy writing up tid bits of advice to inquiring minds, I feel that I have gained a lot from hearing about the problems and inquiries of individuals from all different walks of life. This has afforded me to think outside the box, outside of my own context and to expand my understanding of people, sexuality and a wide range of other subjects. This monthly challenge has benefited me in many ways and I have always appreciated how easily it fits in to my schedule. Not only that, but the staff have always been friendly and flexible concerning my needs.


J’ai fait mon coming out à mes parents asiatiques, mais ...

J'ai fais mon coming out à mes parents asiatiques, mais je vis toujours dans le peur en plus de la dysphorie... Bonjour! J'ai 23 ans, je suis d'origine chinoise. Récemment, j'ai informé mes parents que je suis genderqueer et bisexuel. Je ne voulais pas come out encore mais c'était simplement trop lourd, ils soupçonnaient depuis longtemps de toute facon. Ceci a vraiment blessé ma mère, je me sens coupable même après ses commentaires humiliants. Ils pensent que c'est une déviance, un choix, ou que j'etais influencé par des mauvaises personnes ou par ce que j'avais vécu durant ma jeunesse, etc. Après avoir informé mon pére, ils ont fait un ultimateum qu'ils vont me mettre à la porte et me renier si jamais je suis en relation avec un homme ou que je deviens plus "abnormal", qu'ils ne veulent pas voir leur fils se faire en**ler par un autre homme. De plus, mon père voulait qu'on confisque mes trucs de maquillage et vetements pour prévenir cette "déviance". Il veut enlever tout support pour moi et me dit de rester loins des groupes lgbtq. J'essaie de respecter leurs opinions et comprendre leurs inquiétudes mais ils font toujours aucun effort pour comprendre moi. C'est un sujet qui ne s'explique pas dans ma culture. En même temps, la dysphorie me détruit, je ne reconnais pas mon corps male. J'hais être forcé de me présenter d'un certain facon parce que je suis né un garcon. Mais si je ne suis pas libre de faire des choses pour faciliter celle-ci. Je n'ai aucune espace pour être moi. Ni à la maison ni à mon emploi ou je dois m'habiller en suit(qui empire ma dysphorie). Parfois je veux tellement fuguer. Mais je ne peux pas, car je sais les conséquences de la situation familiale et culturelle vont être trop pour moi . Je suis trop faible. Mais clairement, je ne peux pas continuer à vivre comme ça dans la maison non plus. Et je n'arrive pas à imaginer le cauchemar si ils savaient la possiblité que leur fils unique soit une femme trans. Je ne vois vraiment plus d'espoir et je souhaite de disparaitre. Je n'ai plus de motivation pour travailler ou pratiquer mes loisirs. Comme mon coming out, je trouve que tout sert a rien. J'ai quelques amis qui me supportent mais ils ont de la difficulté à comprendre ma situation complexe. Désolé pour ce dérangement, j'aimerais savoir si vous avez des conseils ou des ressources pour ma situation particulière? Est-ce je devrais juste fuguer? Quoi faire avant que ça soit trop tard? Désolé encore pour ce long texte avec pleins de petits détails. Je vous souhaite une bonne soirée. Merci! Dahlia


If I could pass, would my family support me if ...

I've been crossdressing since 5th grade, in my moms lingerie and other clothes. It started out just out of curiosity, but I couldn't stop. I love it because I do feel feminine which doesn't scare me. I have to admit there is some arousal too. I've also fantasized about being a girl and having sexual relations with another male, but I"m still attracted to girls mostly. I recently became friends with a mtf transgender girl and I find myself speaking more in a feminine tone with her like we were best friends. Depression has really hit me lately. There are times where because of how i feel when i dress as a girl, its no longer just about love of crossdressing, but in truth I like looking in the mirror and it feels right. Am i just a transvestitecrossdresser or should I consider that I might be a woman inside. The last year I've been getting these strong feelings towards being a woman and it only bothers me because I don't know if I could pass and if anybody in my family would support me.




Gay/Transsexual porn turns me on but I’m sure I’m straight.

Hey thanks for the great service! I have a question that's been bugging me. I've always identified as straight, throughout my life I've only had sexual and emotional attractions/relationships with girls, never once been attracted by men, but in the past year or so I've found myself turned on by the actual act of gay/transsexual sex. I'm not sure whether it's just the raw 'sexiness' of it or whether I'm trying to repress something, but I just hope this isn't the beginning of me turning bi or gay, as I love my hetrosexuality too much to give it up. I feel like I have no control over what turns me on but I just don't like it and wish I didn't feel it. The idea of romance or any kind of intimate contact with a man in real life would do nothing for me, but seeing it in porn and wondering about the sensations is a real turn on for me. Any ideas about this? Wish I could just understand why these feelings happen, it's making me really upset. Thank you!



Meeting other gay male teens in Humberside UK

hi, i'm a gay 14 year old and i feel like i'm lacking contact with other gays and its bringing me down a little bit. I've tried to meet guys near me but there aren't any obvious places to find gays. I was wondering if you knew of or could find any resources for meeting gays in my area, Beverley, Humberside, England. thanks :)



What if someone wanted to do away with gender ?

While you have answered a question about castration, you did so in a leading manner that implies desire towards femininity. What if an individual did not want to become female, but wished to do away with gender and sexual identity altogether? Would the barriers of understanding by "successful" people make this impossible? I'd rather not have to jury rig a pair of hedge clippers, but I don't think I have any choice. I am a Montrealler, so if you can provide an individual reference, that would help greatly.


My boyfriend won’t stop masturbating with online men!

I am in a long term relationship.I am a 41yr old female and my boyfriend is 36. We met on the internet ( yahoo messenger) and through the years, I had heard several rumors about my boyfriend masturbating with other men. I took it as just rumors and people being hurtful and wanting to cause trouble. I did some checking around and found out it was true. I confronted him and he lied to me about it. Once our relationship took on a serious not I decided to confront him again and tell him that I knew he was masturbating online with other men. After denial and a very heated discussion. He was truthful.He tells me he is not bi or interested in being with a man but he is sexually aroused watching men masturbate.He has told me that he will stop but it hasn't he will wait till I am not around and immediately seek out pictures of men. This has caused me great concern. Am I over reacting and making a big issue out of something that is normal for a straight man to do ?


My friend still leads me on after she said she ...

I wrote in earlier about how I like my friend that is a girl, and how she was giving mixed signals. You advised me to talk to her and I did. It sucked. Every reason I gave to her about leading me on, she shut down. I asked why would she say that she gets excited when I text her, and she said she does with all her friends. I asked why she would be afraid of losing me, and she said because I’m a friend. Every answer was “you’re my friend”. That was 2 months ago. Now we’re good but she’s confusing me again. We were discussing hugging which we’ve never done, and I asked how she would like me to. She said as tight and as close as I want, as long as it lasts forever. When I asked what she meant, she said we could stand there all day holding each other and nothing else would matter. Then one day we said what we liked about each other, and she told me I had a nice body but "not in a weird way", pretty eyes that she gets lost looking into, and I’m so sweet. What does she want from me?



My obsessive fear about turning gay ruined my sex drive

Alright, here goes. I'm 19 years old, and still in puberty. All my life I've been attracted solely and exclusively to women, this includes enjoying sex, falling in love, etc. Then, a couple of months ago, I've been struck with an obsessive fear about turning gay, though there was no proof or reason to think so. This threw me into a long period of anxiety and depression which completely killed my sex drive. Anyway, I've gone through a whole variety of attempts to check whether I was truly gay or not, including watching gay porn, and a couple of times, masturbating to it. Here's the thing: I hardly get hardly any arousal from homosexual images or thoughts. They are often even unpleasant and undesired, however, when I tried masturbating to them, it felt... a lot better than usual. I don't think I could ever fall in love with a guy, or be with one... What does this all mean? Could I be gay? Bisexual? Combined with the recent lack of sex drive, this is completely destroying me.