My friends say I'm not really bisexual!

Physically I am attracted to men, but emotionally I am attracted to women. I would also rather be in a relationship with a woman. As I am currently looking for a girlfriend, but would have a boy friend. My friend tells me this might mean I am not really bisexual, just confused. But I really feel I am bisexual, because I am physically attracted to women, just not as much as men. Is this normal? Am I really not bisexual? Help please.


Dear Sarah,

There are certainly a lot of people who want to tell bisexuals that

they are « just confused, » and that they will eventually make up their

minds as to which gender they actually prefer. I think that the people

who tell you this are just scared of the possibility that they,

themselves, may not be as secure with their own sexuality as they’d

like to think they are, and they want to try to force others to see

the world in black and white.

The world isn’t often black and white. Mostly, it’s a lot of different

shades of grey. If you’re attracted to both men and women, then I

would say you’re bisexual. Some day you may decide that you are, in

fact, much more attracted to one gender than the other, and at that

point you may decide to revise your internal labels. Right now,

though, if you’re attracted to women and want to try a relationship

with another woman, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Ultimately, if you believe you are bisexual, then you ARE bisexual.

It’s not something that anyone else can decide for you, and it’s

certainly not anything that people should try to talk you out of. You

obviously know how you feel; don’t let your friends try to tell you

that you don’t understand your own feelings.

As one final suggestion: Some people who find themselves attracted to

both men and women prefer to identify themselves as « queer, » to avoid

the kinds of problems with labels that you are currently facing. If it

would make you feel more comfortable, you may want to adopt this label

as well, though of course, it’s totally up to you.

– Laura