23 février 2024

My friend likes me, am I responsible?

This post is more or less a question that I have been pondering. I have this female friend that is also bi-sexual. In the beginning I was very interested in her and I let her know that in more of an indirect way, but none the less, we were attracted to one another. Well, a few weeks past and I found my present boyfriend. I didnt know how to tell her that I was in a relationship so I avoided the subject untill she caught on. This hurt her, and she talked to me about it. She told me how she was still very interested in me and how it was hard for her to hold back because I had a boyfriend. But, of course she is strong and I thought she got over it, over me. Untill the topic was brought up by a few random people who said that « she only believes in this because you believe in it, she does this because you do, she is swayed by what you do just because she is in love with you » That statement drove me into rage and I was numb about it for the rest of the day. But then I got thinking, I respect her, I believe what she says, she is true to herself, right? She wouldn’t be something other than herself just because I am around, right? It is only concerning to me because she is a good friend of mine and it is one thing to know that someone has feelings for you, but another to know that the feelings they express to you are not pure. I am confused of course. I am confussed because I am unsure wheather or not I should think beyond the thoughts that were provided to me by those random people, should I find truth in that or should I trust my friend, my friend that is « in love with me »

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Hi Briana, and thank you for your question.

I don’t know the details about how you came to learn that your female friend is bisexual, whether she told you that she was bisexual after you expressed your interest in her or if you knew before the fact, yet I can say that « feelings » or « attractions » to people of your own gender are often ingrained and these feelings often surface at different points or events in their lives – for example, their first crush on someone. Hence, it is pretty safe to say that you did not « sway » her – her feelings and attraction towards women were probably always there, you showing up in her life only helped her come to realize them. And it’s understandable that she’s having a hard time dealing with the situation of you dating a guy, but those feelings are natural, like what one experiences with any first love.

Just be there as a friend to help support her, if you can, otherwise give her time……time heals all wounds.

Team AltérHeros