My bestfriend and I became lovers, then he disappeared…


Hi Rose,

Thanks for writting to AlterHeroes.

I understand that you were in a relationship with your best friend for two months. Dispite his disclosure of love for you, he cut off contact with you suddenly and you have no explanation for his ending the relationship. Convinced that his declaration of love for you was false, you are asking what it is you should do about this situation.

Declaring your love to someone, especially someone you have an established friendship with, is very difficult. Disclosing such strong feelings to your best friend leaves you vulnerable to someone who has known you for a long time and is aware of the insecurities that weeken you. Your best friend may have become freightened by this realisation and decided to suddenly end his relationship with you as a way to protect himself.

Be patient with yourself and with your best friend. The boundaries of your relationship have changed and as such the pressures and expectations of your time together are different. Take your time in understanding your relationship with him and don’t rush to conclusions about the emotional bond you and him have formed. The sudden end of the relationship has left you with far more questions than answers. Reach out to him if you feel you need to (and you feel that you can) in order to get a sense of closure about the situation. If this is not an option, consult a professional or someone you trust for advice and that can help guide you in taking the next step in your relationship with him.

When a new relationship evolves from a well-established relationship, there is confusion about the roles within this new dynamic. Take your time in understanding how you feel about the relationship and determining what to do next.

Sara

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