24 juillet 2010

It might be hard for me to trust bisexuals now

Ok, here goes. I am gay and I would hesitate and the idea of dating another bi-sexual female because the last girl I was with for 6 months suddenly told me she wanted a break, this lasted a week and then she text me to tell me it was over. I was so confused because everything was going so well. Initially I asked of her sexual-orientation and she said bi and that I was the first girl she had been with. After dating her for about 5 months she tried to make her male friends feel bad and said » i get more p****y than you». Personally I thought she just wanted me so she could tell everyone that she had dated a female. But now she is 3 months pregnant so basically this happened while I was with her and she didn’t have the decency to tell me. She dumped me out of the blue and made me feel like I was in the wrong. I know all bi-sexuals are not like that so I wont make a generalisation but it will be very hard for me to trust a bi-sexual female.

Zhen X.

Dear Chantelle,

Thank you for writing to Alterheros. I know it is a very tough time for you right now. However, I would like to say that life has its ups and downs, and we all go through making and breaking relationships at some point in our lives. It is natural to feel sad, hurt, and confused after a relationship ends. It's not any one person's fault. Sometimes, the relationship is just not meant to be. It just takes time to absorb and accept that. By what you said, it sounds like your former partner did many things that you disliked to hurt you on purpose. Have you tried talking to her about why she did such things? Even though you are still quite upset with her, you could always contact her and tell her about how you feel. If you do not wish to contact her, that is alright too. You could always use this time off as an opportunity to look at what happened from an objective point of view, to learn from this relationship and move on. Consider this as a learning experience in life, so something similar will be less likely to occur in your future relationships.

I am glad to hear that you are not making any generalizations about bisexuals in general. This means you know that not all bisexuals are like this, which shows that there is hope that you will be able to trust another bisexual female again. All living things have defense mechanisms within to protect themselves, and humans are no exceptions. After getting hurt either physically or mentally, we tend to build this defense mechanism or wall to protect ourselves from getting hurt again. This trust will eventually come, but it might take some time or perhaps, a special someone to break down that wall, with the amount of time varying from person to person. From what you're saying about not generalizing people, it tells me that you are a very mature individual with a mature way of thinking. Anyone that treats you unfairly doesn't deserve to be with you. Always remember that. You’ve still got so much left of summer, so go out there and meet some new people, make friends, and have a blast. I wish you the best of luck and have a wonderful summer!!


For Alterheros