2 octobre 2023

Is she unconsciously sending me a sign with her body language?

A complicated situation but to get to the point –
I have a boyfriend of 2 years, however I have feelings for a girl in my class (I am a girl)
I think she does give me some body language signals from what I have read up on in books she seems to do, for example unconsciously point at me with a body part from across the class and I see here staring directly at me for about 5 seconds sometimes with a wide smile other times just staring, (I try not to stare at her) however this could just be me interpreting this all wrong?
On the way back from college, we speak on the bus and she doesn’t say direct things that would insinuate she likes me too but she does smile a lot and look at my eyes and lips for longer than usual people would.
I just don’t know whether to tell her at the end of college in 3-4months time how I feel?
Other than my boyfriend I don’t fancy any other boys although I have had a crush or 2 on other girls but not as strong as I feel for this one girl
Please help

Evelyn Kuang

Hi Skye,

Thanks for submitting your question to Alterheros. I hear you say that you have feelings for a girl that has gestured many body language cues that could indicate romantic feelings – however you are unsure whether to share with her how you feel. There are several aspects to consider before you make any decisions.

I think most importantly, you need to ask yourself what YOU want before you delve any further into this. For example, ask yourself your motives in sharing your feelings with her. Oftentimes, we act and feel things on condition of the other person’s feelings. Although this is definitely a valid factor in affecting our own actions, it can sometimes be disproportionately influential and result in neglect of our own needs and desires.

With that said, ask yourself a few things. Do you want to pursue a relationship with her? If you weren’t in a relationship with your current partner (if you were single) would you still be interested in her?

Do you feel your current relationship is not working out? Are there any problems with your current relationship that are leading you to consider others romantically? If so, what do you feel is missing in your current relationship? And do you think you would find these missing parts in this girl?

Is what you feel a sexual attraction only, or do you also feel like there is a deeper connection? Do you feel like you are friends? You should ask yourself what it is you like about her.

I think after considering these points, you will know in your gut, whether it is worth telling her. I think it best for now, to not focus so much on whether she likes you, but whether you like her and where you want to go with your feelings for her. Also consider if you want to break up with your boyfriend. Would you want to whether this girl was an issue or not? Allow yourself some time to also think about if you want to keep your relationship with your boyfriend as is, ‘adjust’ it, or completely break it off.

It’s possible that sometimes when a new person makes us feel important (in this case, she seems to stare at you or give you the impression she is perhaps interested in you romantically), we get infatuated with the IDEA of them liking us, but later realize we didn’t like them the same way, we just liked the attention. If you think that might be the case, be careful not to jeopardize your current relationship (with your boyfriend) for the wrong reasons.

Please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any more questions.

For Alterheros,