Is she unconsciously sending me a sign with her body language?


Hi Skye,

Thanks for submitting your question to Alterheros. I hear you say that you have feelings for a girl that has gestured many body language cues that could indicate romantic feelings – however you are unsure whether to share with her how you feel. There are several aspects to consider before you make any decisions.

I think most importantly, you need to ask yourself what YOU want before you delve any further into this. For example, ask yourself your motives in sharing your feelings with her. Oftentimes, we act and feel things on condition of the other person’s feelings. Although this is definitely a valid factor in affecting our own actions, it can sometimes be disproportionately influential and result in neglect of our own needs and desires.

With that said, ask yourself a few things. Do you want to pursue a relationship with her? If you weren’t in a relationship with your current partner (if you were single) would you still be interested in her?

Do you feel your current relationship is not working out? Are there any problems with your current relationship that are leading you to consider others romantically? If so, what do you feel is missing in your current relationship? And do you think you would find these missing parts in this girl?

Is what you feel a sexual attraction only, or do you also feel like there is a deeper connection? Do you feel like you are friends? You should ask yourself what it is you like about her.

I think after considering these points, you will know in your gut, whether it is worth telling her. I think it best for now, to not focus so much on whether she likes you, but whether you like her and where you want to go with your feelings for her. Also consider if you want to break up with your boyfriend. Would you want to whether this girl was an issue or not? Allow yourself some time to also think about if you want to keep your relationship with your boyfriend as is, ‘adjust’ it, or completely break it off.

It’s possible that sometimes when a new person makes us feel important (in this case, she seems to stare at you or give you the impression she is perhaps interested in you romantically), we get infatuated with the IDEA of them liking us, but later realize we didn’t like them the same way, we just liked the attention. If you think that might be the case, be careful not to jeopardize your current relationship (with your boyfriend) for the wrong reasons.

Please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any more questions.

For Alterheros,

Evelyn.


About Evelyn Kuang

Evelyn holds a BA in Psychology, Sexual Diversity Studies, and Social Studies of Medicine. She also has work experience in Women’s Healthcare, and Sexual Healthcare Clinic. She was also an intern at a Alcohol and Substance Abuse Recovery program. In 2008, she was part of the organizers for Vagina Monologues College Campaign @ McGill.

I love counseling, education and debunking myths. I’m very passionate about sexual healthcare and seek to change the way we think, tolerate and perceive sexuality in all its facets.