I have suffered a lot in my country of origin, now I suffer too in my country of adoption

as a gay,i have suffered enough in my country nigeria and now am in netherlands seeking asylum,but i still feel insecure and timid here in netherlands, cos sometimes am been forced by gay guys here, so i don’t like that kind of treatment cos i want a peaceful love life with whoever i found but forcing me makes me loosing my mind and also fearing that i might die,so just advice me because am confused here.i guess i should choose whom i want to be with but this type here is causing me to loose my mind and remember some bad treatments i received in my country. netherlands is a good country but some hooligans create a bad name for it in terms of been gay, so advice me ok and am also worried about my young brother who is also a gay but was also rejected like me and i don’t know his whereabouts, so am really depressed and pissed off with life


Dear Henry,

I’m not very familiar with the Netherlands and don’t speak Dutch, which is making it difficult to find the information you seek, but I’m sure there are resources there designed to help you face your particular situation. If you understand Dutch, I have a list of websites that may be of use to you here: http://www.magenta.nl/crosspoint/nl.html

You say you are seeking asylum, so I would speak to your case worker directly to see if he or she has any suggestions for you about programs or community groups that can help you work through your issues concerning sex and violence. This person should be able to provide much better assistance than we can, as they will naturally be much more familiar with the country’s governmental programs than we are here in Canada.

If you are having a hard time finding people that will treat you well, whether in a romantic relationship or even just during a one-night rendez-vous, I would suggest concentrating on creating a safe haven for yourself in your adopted country. Focus on your asylum case, on finding the resources you need to work through your past and to heal, rather than trying to jump into new relationships. I can totally understand the need for love and companionship, but it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, so I would urge you to try to take things slowly and give yourself and your healing process the priority. It is much more important to feel safe and secure in yourself and your living situation, for the time being. Especially if you hope to help your younger brother as well.

Best of luck,

Laura for Alterheros