I am married and have been having sexual feelings for another woman

I’m married and recently been having sexual feeling for a woman. This woman always stares at me, looks at me from head to toe… In other words I caught her eye. What should I do?

Hi Wilson,

Thank you for your question.

Did you have these feelings before this woman stared at you, or did you only develop them after she paid attention to you? In any normal circumstance, you could approach her about her intentions, however it depends on your marriage situation.

Are you happy with your wife and with your marriage? Are you physically and emotionnaly attracted to your wife? If so, ask yourself what it is that the new woman has that your wife cannot offer you. If you feel that your wife CAN offer you the same things, then perhaps you are merely attracted to this new person because of her possible interest in you. It’s flattering to have someone look at you from head to toe, but it might not be the “right” thing to do. It’s normal to notice other women even if you are happily married. The difference between a devoted partner and a partner who strays is when they ACT upon their urges.

If however, you can’t stop thinking about this woman and no longer want to be with your wife, you should have a talk with your partner, to see where your marriage is headed. You don’t have to mention being interested in another woman, you can simply talk about points in your marriage you are not happy with.

If, on the other hand, you do not want to end your marriage, you should probably ignore your interest in the new woman. No need to suppress your sexual feelings, but perhaps take them into the bedroom with your wife, and unleash this energy with her. This could bring you closer together, and even make you forget about this other lady…

I hope this helped. Please write to us again if you have other questions,

Dee, for Alterheros

About Dee Gamme

Dee holds a baccalaureate in Fine Arts in Cinema (Specialization in Film Animation). She's also an event producer/promoter in the Queer community, mainly working with independent musicians and visual artists. Dee was a volunteer in the "Tell the experts" team for 2 years before being given the opportunity to become Outreach Director. Heading the Anglophone Team since early 2009 has been a great experience!

I like being involved at AlterHeros because it helps keep me in touch with the Queer community. I also love to help others and I am interested in psychology and coming out issues.