24 mars 2024

How do I find out if she is gay/straight/bi?

I’m a lesbian but about a month ago i met this girl, who is now a good friend of mine. From the moment i saw her i started to like her. I can’t stop thinking of her and I don’t know if she is gay/straight/bi but i would like to find out. How do i do that?

JP Duc

Hi Flo thanks for sending in this question,

The friendship dynamic is a complex human relation; where does friendship end and lust or love begin? Your question resembles the Q&A answered by Hillary from AlterHeros I’m a girl. So is she. How can i be sure she likes me?

Hillary explains to get to know your friend better, learn more about your friend, what she likes, what she thinks about homosexuality. Hillary also talks about hints and signals humans send out to each other when they are interested.

The open communication approach is always best, and since these days there are so many ways to communicate: mobile text messaging, facebook, blogs, e-mail and so on – if you feel uncomfortable at first with face to face communication you may want to start with these.

If the person, in this case your friend, already knows you’re gay; that goes a long way in speeding things up, because the person knows your orientation but still chooses to be around you, to communicate with you and to be your friend. What’s important as a non-heterosexual person is to be respectful of people’s choices, sure it’s never easy to be rejected by someone we are interested in or have spent time getting to know.. but I believe as a gay person myself, running after heterosexuals for the goal of a relationship is a waste of time. Friendships are one thing but relationships are completely another thing. For a relationship to form it takes two people who are ready and in agreement for it to work “it takes two to tango”. A relationship is a shared responsibility.

Gossip, beauty and teen magazines are full of advice about “how to attract the right man” even many gay magazines like US based, Instinct offer lots of articles about this topic. All of this is highly interpretative and is to be taken with a grain of salt, it may or may not be good advice for you. Everyone is bit different, so do things you feel comfortable with when trying to communicate or find out information on other and/or if someone is interested in you. I found this article by Nancy Fagan on attraction and body language amusing: http://www.bbwmagazine.com/love_3_0016.htm

You may like to read some of these related Q&A’s like Why does it hurt so much finding out she doesn’t return my sentiments? that have advice about or wanting a sexually based relationship or love over just friendship. Check other questions that have been answered in the Friendship and Love categories at https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask_all.cfm?ss=&s=

JP for Project 10,