Gay? Or just inexperienced with women?


Hi Chad,

Thanks for submitting your question to Alterheros. Identifying your sexuality can be a difficult process, and an ever changing one at that. You say you are physically attracted to men, but perhaps doubt these feelings as being valid because you have never had a relationship with a woman. I think its important to consider a few things and view your situation from a few different perspectives

You’ve never had a relationship with a man or a woman. You do mention being aroused or physically attracted to men when you are around men, however you do not mention being aroused or physically attracted to women when you are around women. My point in bringing this to you attention is to say that, it is possible to know you are attracted to someone without necessarily being in a romantic relationship with them – for example, being friends with them, working on a project with them, they are your co-worker, you attend school with them etc. Often times, meeting people through the pursuit of your own interests and ambitions, lends you to meet those very people that also share your values, goals and lifestyle. These aspects are often the basis for a sound, loving, and lasting relationship. In addition to the romantic chemistry = )

This brings me to the second thing I think is important to note. Remember that emotional attraction and having a mental bond with someone is equally important to being physically attracted to another person. Sometimes you can become attracted to someone based on your emotional and mental attachment to them – physical attraction can grow out of the emotional bond. of course it is possible that an emotional bond can grow out of a physical attraction too.

Lastly, whether you should consider that you do not have to set your decision in stone about your sexual orientation. Please realize that our sexuality is fluid and ever changing, just like the rest of the areas of our lives- and this is absolutely healthy and normal! Regardless of whether it is a man and or woman, you should make sure that the person you are with brings out the best in you, makes you feel happy and healthy, and encourages and supports you in whatever you choose to do with your life.

I hope this has helped make things clearer for you. Please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any more questions.

For Alterheros,

Evelyn.


About Evelyn Kuang

Evelyn holds a BA in Psychology, Sexual Diversity Studies, and Social Studies of Medicine. She also has work experience in Women’s Healthcare, and Sexual Healthcare Clinic. She was also an intern at a Alcohol and Substance Abuse Recovery program. In 2008, she was part of the organizers for Vagina Monologues College Campaign @ McGill.

I love counseling, education and debunking myths. I’m very passionate about sexual healthcare and seek to change the way we think, tolerate and perceive sexuality in all its facets.

Leave a comment