Even through mixed messages I think she likes me
I’ve been friends with this girl for over a year now and i started falling for her from about 3 months into the friendship. We fell out about 2 months ago but started talking and spending time together again really quickly. From then we have been really flirty together and it seems as though we both want more than just being friends. She gets really jealous when i text this girl from work so much so that it’s come to a point where i can’t text her when i’m with her. Then yesterday she asked me if i thought she was hot, then later on randomly out of the blue sent me a message saying ‘love you’. Does this mean she’s interested in me as more than a friend or not??? I’m really confused.
Hi Jess, thanks for coming to Alterheros with your question.
I understand that you are frustrated about your relationship with your friend and trying to find out whether she reciprocates the feelings that you have for her. I will assume that you are more or less ok with your own feelings and are comfortable with having romantic feelings for (and possibly being in a relationship with) a woman. Regardless of the genders involved, not knowing if our feelings are being reciprocated and if we might get hurt is definitely overwhelming. Mix into this the fact that the other person is someone we already have an established relationship with and don’t want to lose as a friend, and it’s enough to make just about anyone feel a bit devastated.
To answer your question though, it is virtually impossible for anyone other than your friend herself to know for sure if she is or isn’t interested in you as more than a friend. That being said, she does seem to be sending you some mixed messages. Does it matter though? It’s rare that we are 100% sure of the outcome of a certain decision before we make it. Most of life (and love especially) is filled with uncertainty and risk. All you can ever be sure of is what you feel, what you want, and what you are willing to give. Perhaps just be sure to find out how she feels about homosexuality before telling her how you feel, just to be safe.
One point that stands out to me in your question is the way that you talk about your friend’s jealousy. Although a certain amount of jealousy is normal and healthy, it is never OK for anyone to ever control your communication and interactions with others. Whether someone is your friend or girlfriend, they have no right to make you feel uncomfortable interacting with whoever you want, whenever you want. You might want to consider straightening this out before starting a romantic relationship with this person.
I hope I’ve been helpful to you, Jess, and maybe giving you some things to think about!
Good luck and don’t hesitate to come back to us if you have any more questions!
Hillary, for Alterheros.