Does she want ME to kiss her? Or that other girl?


Hi Maribel, thanks for sending us your question.

Your question refers to a classic communication problem that is very common, “Does the person like me because I like them?”.

Communications between humans is complex. Because of all these complexities, miscommunications and misinterpreted messages are quite common. Often what we say is not what we mean, or what we hear from the person who is transmitting the message, is not what we understand as the receiver of that information. This is especially true when we involve human emotions into the mix like lust or love or sexuality.

In your situation, because you like your friend, the message that your friend is sending out may just be friendship communication… nothing more, but you may be interpreting what she is saying as something more. Or it may BE something more! Her spending more time with you may mean that she truly is interested, and her talking about kissing is her way of indicating interest, that she is waiting for a response from you (a move). As mentioned, communication and emotions are very complex things, so take things a step at a time, communicate your intention clearly, but be prepared for a ‘NO’ or ‘I'm not interested right now’ or ‘I just want to be friends with you’. This is why I suggest you take it forward slowly and with clear communication about your feelings; you want to avoid trying too hard, or even going too far, and possibly losing the good friend that she seems to be for you.

If you are “burning inside” as you have said, then you should think about communicating your feeling of admiration for your friend. Perhaps if you feel comfortable in doing so, take the time to explain to your friend that you like her more that just a friend. Also explain to her that if the feeling is mutual that you feel a bit jealous that she keeps taking about another girl.

You can read these other questions we’ve received that resemble your question:

https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask.cfm?QID=2132

https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask.cfm?QID=826

https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask.cfm?QID=550

And on the Internet I found this message board (please note, AH is not responsible for content on other sites, please use with caution)

“Does she like me as much as I like her?”

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rllesbian&msg=6718.1&ctx=0

Wishing you all the best in your future of a relationship and love.

JP, for the AH Team.


About JP Duc

JP has over 10 years of experience working with GLBTIQ youth organizations. He has been also a dedicated volunteer for over 16 major events including conferences & social functions for the gay community in Montreal. He also has done studies in creative arts, audio-visual and communication.

I enjoy challenging myself to find interesting ways of transmitting unbiased and practical information/solutions to common problems teenagers, and gay people face concerning sexuality. Seeing feedback from our visitors in the guestbook proves to me that a need exists for AlterHeros services and the thousands of volunteer hours that go into this organisation are appreciated by people from all over the world.

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