1 novembre 2006

Am I really attracted to those girls or is it just that I identify with them ?

I`ve been in a happy same-sex relationship for three years now. However when I meet other lesbians I often find myself developing an attraction towards them. This causes me stress and guilt. Am I really attracted to them or is it just that I identify with them? Please advise.

sara rahmani

Hi Mel,

Thanks for writing to AlterHeroes.

I understand that you are currently involved in a same-sex relationship and are finding yourself attracted to other lesbians. You are under stress and feel guilty about this attraction to other women. You are asking if your attraction to lesbians is sincere or if your feelings are a reflection of you identifying with them.

Regardless of the status of your relationship, attracting and being attracted to others is a very normal and healthy part of sexuality. There is no need to feel guilty or become stressed about being attracted to women outside your relationship.

Your attraction to lesbians may be both sincere and a reflection of you identifying with lesbians. Or it may not be. Do not feel the need to catagorize your feelings and attractions to others. Remember that sexuality is not a question of which box you fit into and whether or not you are following the norms of the catagory that you place yourself in (or that others place you in). Feel free to express yourself emotionally and sexually. If you feel comfortable discussing your feelings with your partner, do so. Be honest with yourself and avoid labelling your feelings, attractions and sexual practices. Know that there are many different expressions of sexuality and that each are equally valid and healthy.

Becoming attracted to lesbians while in a relationship is a normal and healthy expression of your sexuality. Feel free to explore your feelings and be honest. Resist catagorizing yourself and your choices.