I've noticed that my teacher is staring at me and is giving me a lot of attention. I have a crush on him and I like the attention, but my friend is telling me to go talk to another adult about his weird behavior. What do I do?
Hi, I’m Malia!
I have this question that’s been bugging me a lot ever since I started my junior year in high school.
I have a crush on my teacher who I also have 2 classes with him, which I see him a lot every day. But since then, I’ve noticed my teacher’s staring from the start and it didn’t affect me until I realized how much attention he was giving me and I liked the feeling. Often times, he’s more different to me than the other students in the class, staring at me repeatedly and looking away every time I catch him staring. I don’t know why but I just like the attention and that’s why I have a crush on him.
Though I’ve had a friend encouraging me to tell a adult in the school due to his weird behaviour around me, but he’s been nothing but nice to me so I ignored it. He’s also 9/10 years older than me… what do I do??
Hi Malia,
Thanks for reaching out to AlterHéros!
If I understand correctly, you’ve noticed that your teacher is staring at you a lot and you like the attention he’s giving you, so since then, you’ve had a crush on him. You have a friend who’s encouraging you to tell an adult about his behavior, but this is not bothering you because he’s nice to you. Is that right?
From my perception, I think your friend might be right about the fact that his behavior is a little bit weird. I don’t know what his thoughts are when looking at you, but staring at a teenager who’s also his student is (once again) a little weird.
It’s completely okay for you to have a crush on him, there’s no harm in that, those kinds of crushes are pretty common and can be explained by this part of an old answer from my colleague Max·e:
There are times when we get very attached to a teacher, psychologist, coach or adult which we admire. These people in positions of authority can sometimes be there by your side to help you, listen to you and support you. It is then possible that you have developed a special attachment to your teacher, but some questions persist. Does a relationship with him really have a purpose? Is it possible that my admiration for this man is based solely on the fact that he is my teacher?
In psychology there’s something called transference, which means that there can be a form of attraction (platonic, sexual, romantic or otherwise) between two people, especially when one brings you comfort or teaches you things (like a professor or a psychologist). This is a completely normal reaction, but for which the question must be asked: is there a compelling reason to pursue a relationship there?
There are so many possible reasons that can make us feel attached to a teacher… Of course, we can find them hot and there is nothing wrong with that! But try to think about the different elements in the previous paragraph. Maybe some of it echoes, in part, your situation?
In Canada, intimate relationships between professors and students are illegal. These relationships can even be punishable by law for your teacher, even if he is no longer your teacher: as soon as he works in the same school where you study, the law is applicable. The law is there to protect minors from potential abuse by someone in a position of authority. […]
In this legal context, as long as you study in the same school as your teacher, any form of intimate relationship between him and you remains impossible.
Now, if the answer you just read makes you feel weird or unsafe regarding the fact that he’s always staring at you, you can talk about it to a trusted adult in your school. This decision is 100% yours, depending on how you feel, on your point of view of the situation and what you want to do about this.
I really hope this brings you the answers you were looking for. You can write to us again anytime if you need!
Émilie (she/they), for AlterHéros
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