First of all, confusing crushes with admiration happen frequently, and it can be very difficult sometimes to differentiate the two. It seems that you understood that your crushes toward boys were more orientated in a way that you wanted to be like them, which is an excellent start. You already identified some elements of what you’re feeling.
Second of all, crushes can help you navigate through your questions regarding your sexual orientation, but they don’t invalidate them. What I mean by that is whether you have a crush on someone or not, what makes you a lesbian, bisexual, or any other orientation is how you feel inside. You can always choose which labels or identities most accurately describe how you feel.
I find it interesting that you said that if you were to project yourself in the future you would see yourself with a woman. I can’t tell you if you are a lesbian or not, only you can figure that out, but listening to yourself is always a good place to start.
It is totally okay to be confused regarding your sexual orientation, it takes time. Crushes are also not so simple, some people have them and others don’t. You may find someone who you are interested in without having those famous “butterflies in your stomach.” By definition, a crush is “an informal term for feelings of romantic love, often felt during childhood and early adolescence.” There’s a lot of different types and intensities of love, attractions and crushes. Like I said, confusion is part of figuring it out.
Last of all, crushes don’t define your sexual orientation, but listening to yourself and what you are feeling does. Nothing is urgent, you can take your time discovering yourself, your orientation and identity, as well as which types of people you’re attracted to. Whether you are a lesbian or not, you are loved and a wonderful human 🙂
You can always write back to us if you have more questions!