Hi,

I would first like to thank you for your trust in AlterHéros.

I gather that you are concerned about your sexual orientation because you enjoy having sex with men and are aroused by them. It makes you wonder if you are gay.

According to the conventional definition of homosexuality, your situation matches the definition because you seem sexually attracted to men who are the same gender/sex as you. Some people prefer not to identify with a label because it makes them uncomfortable. That being said, you cannot control your attraction towards others, but you can decide whether to identify with a specific sexual orientation or not. Therefore, you can be attracted to men without necessarily identifying as gay. If you don’t feel comfortable with the gay label, you don’t have to use it. Additionally, you can choose to disclose your sexuality only to those you feel comfortable sharing it with.

Moreover, you mentioned that you had sex with women. Did you like it? Do you feel attraction towards women? If so, you might consider identifying as bisexual, pansexual, or any other label that suits you and that you feel comfortable with (if you feel the need to identify with a sexual orientation label).

Are you able to discuss your sexual attraction and experiences with some of your friends or family members? If you want to talk about what you are going through, the LGBT YouthLine offers confidential peer support. You can contact them through their text and chat services, and visit their website for more information on what they offer.

We encourage you to embrace yourself for who you are, and if you decide to identify as a gay man, you can do so with pride. You should not be ashamed to show it if you feel comfortable and safe to do so. And, of course, if that is what you want to do.

Please do not hesitate to ask us any further questions.

Daphné Gagnon (she/her), volunteer for AlterHéros