Hi RCR,

Thank you for sharing all of this with the AlterHéros team. It’s courageous to speak openly about your intimate experiences, especially when they involve confusion or mixed feelings.

What you’re describing seems to be related to past sexual exploration, likely influenced by curiosity, context, and maybe certain aspects of the other person’s appearance that attracted you at the time. It’s normal for people to have experiences that don’t necessarily align with their sexual orientation. Attraction is fluid and can shift throughout our lives. That doesn’t mean you’re “gay,” “bi,” or anything else. Sexual orientation is broader than a single moment or memory.

You clearly state that you don’t feel attracted to men today, that you don’t imagine yourself with them or feel sexual excitement in their presence. You seem to feel good in emotional and sexual relationships with women and envision yourself in a heterosexual relationship. All of this suggests that your orientation is likely heterosexual (with a past experience that doesn’t reflect your current attraction, and that’s totally valid).

What you’re feeling as “regret” may come from social pressure, personal discomfort, or internal conflict. That’s normal, especially in a society that tends to stigmatize certain types of experiences. But that experience doesn’t define who you are today or what you want.

What matters most is giving yourself permission to have had a moment of exploration, without assigning yourself a label that doesn’t resonate with you. Identity isn’t defined by a single experience. It’s shaped by what you feel deeply and consistently.

Hoping this helps,

Mélo, social worker for AlterHéros