Hello Rex!

Thank you for trusting us with your question and sorry for the delay. From what I understand you identify as pansexual and orchidromantic, but you don’t feel much sexual or romantic attraction to men, which is making you question your sexuality. Let me first reassure you that you’re not alone in asking yourself these kinds of questions and I understand your feelings of confusion, which are completely valid. 

I will say that my answer will be like the one I’ve given to many other people who have also struggled with finding the right word to identify themselves. Language can be very useful, especially when you find a word that feels good to you and that adequately describes your experience. That word can also be a means to access community, to find resources, etc. This does not mean that the word is set in stone, because language is, at the end of the day, imperfect. A fixed word, with a certain meaning, cannot always be put on something as fluid and vast as sexuality. It is therefore completely normal for you to be asking these questions right now. You might even keep asking them for the rest of your life, or not. Both are possible, both are okay. Give yourself the space, the time, and the self-compassion to keep asking these questions. There’s no deadline to figuring it out or to finding one word that will encapsulate everything you are.

Ultimately, you’re the main expert about yourself and I can’t tell you what or who you are. It might help you to discuss this with people who know you in life, if that’s an option for you. Have you talked about this with friends or family? With someone you trust who knows you well? You might also find it helpful to talk to people who are going through a similar experience. Here’s some resources that might help you with that :

– The Trevor Project provides information and support to young queer people. You can visit their website for more information, and you can call 1-866-488-7386 anytime for support. Their coming out handbook also includes interesting passages about sexual orientation and questions you can ask yourself to help you in your thinking. Also, using TrevorSpace, you can connect with other young people online.

– The LGBT National Help Center offers peer support, community connections, and resource information. They have different hotlines, including one dedicated to supporting young LGBT people (800-246-7743), as well as chatrooms.

I hope I was able to help you with this answer and don’t hesitate to write again if you have more questions! 

Have a good day

Béatrice (elle/she/her), volunteer for AlterHéros