24 December 2007

There's this girl at my work who always smiles at me and stares a lot. Is she interested in me?

There’s this girl at my work who always smiles at me and stares a lot and we are very comfortable with each other and I don’t know if she likes me but I’m getting that vibe, but there’s this other person at my job who likes me a lot but I don’t like them in that way and the girl at my work always teases me about that person..saying “aww its your lover…you guys are so cute”..blah blah. She does this all day everyday and teases me about them..knowing that I really don’t like that person at all! and it kind of makes me think she’s jealous and wants me or something…do you think I’m getting that vibe or am I crazy..lol..Please help. Thanks!

vi nguyen

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your question. From what you tell me, it sounds like you get along well with this girl at work. At the beginning of a relationship, it is difficult to read signals as everyone behaves in a different manner and has various ways to show interest in another person. It certainly seems like this girl feels comfortable enough with you to display a more playful side of her personality. In some cases, this playfulness is a way to flirt with the other person, while also assessing his/her reaction to the provocation. For example, as long as you deny being interested in this other person, she can be reassured that you are still available and potentially interested in her. However, as I have mentioned before, these assumptions can also be wrong, as everyone reacts differently in a given situation. Often, we tend to trust our “gut” feeling about that other person, and that feeling can be induced by various factors, such as the body language you mentioned (smiling, staring, etc.).

Giving more time for this relationship to evolve, as well as letting things happen naturally and spontaneously might be your best bet in figuring out whether she is interested in you, without causing embarrassment or discomfort to either of you. For the time being, it seems you are enjoying just hanging out together at work, but if you think you would feel better if she knew about your interest in her, you should definitely consider telling her directly. In that case, do you feel comfortable enough to talk to her about how you feel? Of course, this is the only way to know for sure whether she is truly interested in you or not. Another way is to show more interest in her i.e. complimenting her, inviting her to do some activity with you, and then see how she reacts to this behavior.

In the end, it is completely normal to feel uncertain about each other’s feelings and interest, particularly at the beginning of a relationship, when you are still playing with the concepts of friendship versus sexual attraction or even a more serious commitment. These feelings may evolve and change as the relationship progresses, for you as well as for her. At this early stage of a relationship, it is sometimes helpful and informative to get to know the other person more intimately and then decide which way you want this relationship to go…

Hope this helps, and please don’t hesitate if you have any other questions…

Vi, for Alterheros