24 September 2008

Am I asexual?

I have always been attracted to females I discover this when I was very young, probably around 6. But as I grew up, I noticed I would barely get attracted to them, like it takes a lot for me to get attracted to a woman, more than looks. Is it normal to feel this way? Is this lack of attraction normal? I’m 23 and I have had only 3 women in my life. Is that normal? Am I asexual?

sarah eidelmans

Hi Jessica,

It sounds like this is pretty confusing to you – it can be pretty hard to feel confused about attraction and crushes and desire. I think that attraction and levels of desire and those kinds of things are not something that remains constant in people’s lives, though. Those things can change throughout for people depending on what’s going on in their life, for example if they are really busy with something like work or school or if something emotionally intense has happened to them recently- then they might not really feel attracted to or connected with anyone at all. Sometimes people are also just more selective about who they are attracted to; they are attracted to specific people and specific things about those people rather than a category of people as a whole.

While not necessarily being attracted to tons of people does not mean you are asexual, if you are, that’s completely acceptable as well. There are millions of ways to express attraction and desire, and not wanting to or not necessarily feeling connected to the ways certain people express their sexuality is totally ok. Basically, there is no one way people are supposed to be attracted to people – it is something that is individual and unique for everyone.

Thanks so much for your question, Jessica. Feel free to write back if you want to.

S, for AlterHeroes