Does my teacher have a crush on me or am I delusional?
Does my teacher have a crush on me or am I delulu?
Honestly i don’t think I’m delulu let’s begin with my story… So my maths teacher he’s nothing out of the ordinary but I’m so oddly attracted to him it’s weird. I’ve noticed he actually gives me special attention like for example: i wasn’t done with a guy he assigned for my class a lot of em didn’t do it but he punished every single one of em and let me off the hook… Another instance every time we talk he smiles a hell lot, he smirks and stuff i obviously love it. there was this incident that happened a few days back, we had some sorta celebration going on and let’s just say he dressed up and he looked beautiful and i means it so i walked up to him and went you look handsome today 🙂 he blushed and smiled at me, later that day we were all asked to dance after we were done i walked up to him and went you didn’t really dance…. He goes really? (Looking all smug and flirty) and he goes then let’s dance together…. I went oh tell me when I’ll join you.
And today me and my bestfriend were called by another teacher. He was busy correcting papers, when he heard just my bestfriends name he didn’t bother looking up and asked her to leave when the teacher said my name his eyes flew from the papers to my direction i can’t stress enough on the way he looked at me and just did a very gentle head nod asking me if i wanted to go and i also returned it with a smile and nodded my head and left the room. My bestfriend who was behind me noticed that his eyes never left me until i left the room and Outta his sight. I’m quite sure he likes me back but I’m just contemplating if I’m delulu or its actually happening. Rn a lot of people can clearly tell he prefers me a Lil bit more than the other students.
Hi Kiki!
Thanks for reaching out and I’m really sorry about the delay.
Since we receive a lot of questions like yours, I’m going to use an older reply from my colleague to answer you:
“let’s talk about the possibility your teacher may be interested in you. Well, it’s a good question. The way you describe it, he seems to [act different with you than with your classmates]. To be very honest with you, I’m not sure. I am not inside your teacher’s head and I don’t know what he is thinking. There could be many possibilities.
[…]
There are times when we get very attached to a teacher, psychologist, coach or adult which we admire. These people in positions of authority can sometimes be there by your side to help you, listen to you and support you. It is then possible that you have developed a special attachment to your teacher, but some questions persist. Does a relationship with him really have a purpose? Is it possible that my admiration for this man is based solely on the fact that he is my teacher?
In psychology there’s something called transference, which means that there can be a form of attraction (platonic, sexual, romantic or otherwise) between two people, especially when one brings you comfort or teaches you things (like a professor or a psychologist). This is a completely normal reaction, but for which the question must be asked: is there a compelling reason to pursue a relationship there?
There are so many possible reasons that can make us feel attached to a teacher… Of course, we can find them hot and there is nothing wrong with that! But try to think about the different elements in the previous paragraph. Maybe some of it echoes, in part, your situation?
In Quebec [where we are, but I suspect in [India] as well!], intimate relationships between professors and students are illegal. These relationships can even be punishable by law for your teacher, even if he is no longer your teacher: as soon as he works in the same school where you study, the law is applicable. The law is there to protect minors from potential abuse by someone in a position of authority. Indeed, according to the Éducaloi website:
When a person is in a position of authority or trust over a minor adolescent, that adolescent’s consent to any sexual activity is never recognized by law. In this case, it is the sexual activity itself that is criminalized, whether the adolescent has consented to it or not.
But what do we mean by “position of authority”? In its original meaning, the notion of authority derives from the function that the person exercises in relation to the adolescent. However, the position of authority is not limited to this case. It extends to any relationship in which the person has some power over the adolescent.
Thus, being in a position of authority does not necessarily mean exercising a legal right over the adolescent. Rather, the notion of a position of authority refers to the power to command that the person can in fact acquire over the adolescent. A school teacher, for example, is usually in a position of authority over the adolescent, given their duties in relation to the teenager.
In this legal context, as long as you study in the same school as your teacher, any form of intimate relationship between him and you remains impossible.
So yeah, all this to say that I don’t know for sure what your teacher might be thinking or feeling. But I do know that it’s okay for you to admire, like, have feelings for, or be attracted to him. It’s a normal thing and happens to a lot of us at some point! But, it’s also important for you to have some information and tools in order to make safe and healthy decisions regarding those feelings.
I really hope some of this might help you understand a little bit more of what could be going on. I guess it’s your turn to decide what you’ll do now. One thing’s for sure, we are here for you and you can always write us another email anytime you feel like talking about this situation (or ask questions about sexual health, diversity and relationships!).”
I hope this answer helps. Feel free to contact us again anytime!
Émilie (she/they), for AlterHéros
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