Hello!

First, I’d like to thank you for writing to us, I know these kinds of things are not always easy to talk about. From what I understand, you’re wondering if masturbating to a male character, as a guy yourself, could be considered gay? I can tell you this is something a lot of people ask themselves and overall, I would answer that sexual orientation is complex. There are many ways of looking at your question, so here’s two of them.

1. If what you’re asking is if it would be “considered gay”, as in, would people see you as gay if they knew this about you, my answer is that it depends. People have different ways of defining sexual orientation. Some people might say “yes”, others “no”. I think the most important thing is not what others might think, but what you think and how that makes you feel. I can tell you for sure that questioning your sexual orientation is a perfectly normal and healthy thing that happens throughout life. However, if this is bringing you any kind of distress or anxiety, it might be helpful to talk about it with someone you trust, or to contact one of the following resources:

• Kids Help Phone: https://kidshelpphone.ca/ / call at 1-800-668-6868
• LGBT YouthLine: https://www.youthline.ca/ / text at 647-694-4275

2. If what you’re asking is if it makes you a gay person to do what you do, I will also reply that it’s more complicated than just “yes” or “no”. Sexual orientation, as I mentioned, is not always just a question of attraction, or behavior, or identity. It is often a mix of these three elements, which might not always align. Some people feel desire towards people of many genders, yet they might only identify as gay or straight. Ultimately, only you can tell who you are and what makes you feel good, so the most important thing is finding the words that feel the best to you, right now. Also, it’s normal for our feelings and desires to evolve throughout our lives. How you feel and how you identify now might change with time and experience, and that’s okay!
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So, to answer your question in short, I would say that no, masturbating to a fictional guy as a straight man is not necessarily gay. Sexual orientation is more complex than that. Most importantly though, I would ask: what would you answer yourself?

Hopefully, my long answer to your short question has been helpful  Don’t hesitate to write to us again if anything else comes up.

Have a great day!

Béatrice (she/her), volunteer for AlterHéros