29 novembre 2023

Should I come out as bi or gay?

I feel that i’m ready to come out, but i’m not sure entirely if i’m bi or if i’m gay. I like guys more than i like girls, but i’m not sure if i don’t like girls at all. Should i still come out. And if i do, do i come out gay or bi?

Rimma Orenman

Hi Eric,

Thank you for your question.

If I understand correctly, you are defining your sexual orientation and would like to share this aspect of your identity with those around you. However, you are not sure what term to use to describe yourself, because you are not quite sure what your sexual orientation is exactly as of yet.

It is perfectly normal to experiment and to not be sure what one’s orientation is. Remember, it is not black or white: people are not either straight, bi, or gay. They can be anywhere in between and where they place themselves can change throughout their lives, depending on how they choose to define their identity. Also, identity does not always equal a description of a person’s behaviors. Someone can define themselves as gay and occasionally choose to be intimate sexually with a person of the opposite gender (and vice versa).

Terms are just terms! Do not feel bound by them. I encourage you to experiment in a safe environment. If you choose to be sexually intimate with someone, remember to use the appropriate precautions (that is, condoms) to prevent sexually transmitted infections.

Coming out should be about sharing an aspect of your identity with the world on your terms. When you choose to share these aspects of your identity with others, I encourage you to share first with someone you trust, like a friend. You may decide to talk about your attractions rather than defining yourself by a particular term (like gay or bi). Or, you may feel more comfortable identifying with a particular group, like « gay, » and that is OK too. Remember though that you never have to explain your sexual activity or attractions to others if you do not want to.

I hope this clarifies things a little bit!

Rimma, for Alterheros.