My parents think its wrong to be attracted to the same sex...
I’m attracted to my gender but I still like boys. How do I let my parents who are activists against gay sex know that I like girls? They think its wrong but I can’t help the way I feel.
Thank you for writing us. You say that you are attracted to boys, but
to girls, and you worry about how to let your parents know about your
preferences as they are against gay sex.
First of all, let me tell you that nothing obliges you to let them know
right away that you feel attracted to girls. You are young and might
realize that your sexual preferences can change over time as you become
older and experience new things in your life. You might later feel
attracted to boys only, to girls only, or to both genders; teenage
a time of self-discovery. Telling your parents that you are attracted
girls at that age might prove risky, since they might not take you
and think that you will ”outgrow” that attraction with time. Since
are activists against gay sex, they might however become very upset
that revelation. All that hassle might be unnecessary if you later
that you are in fact heterosexual or don’t wish to pursue relationships
If you do feel that it is necessary for you to talk to your parents
the way you feel about girls, then be ready to deal with the fact that
might react very badly. I would also like to mention that telling our
parents about our sexual orientation is never easy for anyone, but it
probably prove even harder in your case, since your parents are openly
against homosexuality. These feelings may in fact become even stronger
they realize that their daughter might be bisexual/lesbian ! They
very angry, refuse to talk to you anymore, want to send you to seek
psychological help (even though it is now recognized by psychiatrists
there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, there are still some people
believe that it is something that we can ”cure” like a disease,
on where you live and how open is the society in your country), etc.
Although these reactions are likely to become less strong with time and
might end up accepting your sexual orientation or at least not
you for that, it is also possible that they will never accept it. An
unusual thing that could also happen is that by finding out that their
daughter might be gay, they might revise their homophobic thoughts and
decrease/stop their activities to discourage gay sex. This is however
rare and is more likely to happen quite a while after you would have
them about your feelings.
To summarize, you have the choice to speak to your parents or not about
feelings (you might decide never to tell them, and that can be totally
if you can live well with it), and to decide when you want to let them
if that is the case. If you do let them know, then you have to be
the fact that their reaction is likely to be very negative. Some ways
let them know that might be less ”brutal” could be to write them a
telling them how you feel about girls and remembering them that you
them but can’t change the way you feel; telling them that they are not
responsible for your possible homosexuality and that you tell them this
to make them sad/angry, but because you love them and want to be honest
them, is also a good way not to make them feel ”guilty” and to set
ground for a discussion which I hope could be done in a respectful
for all of you. But time will probably be your best ally.
You could also refer them to an organization for GLBT near your home
might be trained to deal with parents that have difficulty accepting
child’s homosexuality, and refer them to websites on that matter as:
I hope that helps, if you have other concerns don’t hesitate to write
Marilyn, for AlterHeros.