25 février 2024

My parents think its wrong to be attracted to the same sex...

I’m attracted to my gender but I still like boys. How do I let my parents who are activists against gay sex know that I like girls? They think its wrong but I can’t help the way I feel.

marilyn c.

Dear Alyssa,

Thank you for writing us. You say that you are attracted to boys, but


to girls, and you worry about how to let your parents know about your


preferences as they are against gay sex.

First of all, let me tell you that nothing obliges you to let them know

right away that you feel attracted to girls. You are young and might

realize that your sexual preferences can change over time as you become

older and experience new things in your life. You might later feel

attracted to boys only, to girls only, or to both genders; teenage

years are

a time of self-discovery. Telling your parents that you are attracted


girls at that age might prove risky, since they might not take you


and think that you will  »outgrow » that attraction with time. Since


are activists against gay sex, they might however become very upset


that revelation. All that hassle might be unnecessary if you later


that you are in fact heterosexual or don’t wish to pursue relationships



If you do feel that it is necessary for you to talk to your parents


the way you feel about girls, then be ready to deal with the fact that


might react very badly. I would also like to mention that telling our

parents about our sexual orientation is never easy for anyone, but it


probably prove even harder in your case, since your parents are openly

against homosexuality. These feelings may in fact become even stronger


they realize that their daughter might be bisexual/lesbian ! They

might be

very angry, refuse to talk to you anymore, want to send you to seek

psychological help (even though it is now recognized by psychiatrists


there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, there are still some people


believe that it is something that we can  »cure » like a disease,


on where you live and how open is the society in your country), etc.

Although these reactions are likely to become less strong with time and


might end up accepting your sexual orientation or at least not


you for that, it is also possible that they will never accept it. An

unusual thing that could also happen is that by finding out that their

daughter might be gay, they might revise their homophobic thoughts and

decrease/stop their activities to discourage gay sex. This is however


rare and is more likely to happen quite a while after you would have


them about your feelings.

To summarize, you have the choice to speak to your parents or not about


feelings (you might decide never to tell them, and that can be totally


if you can live well with it), and to decide when you want to let them


if that is the case. If you do let them know, then you have to be

aware of

the fact that their reaction is likely to be very negative. Some ways


let them know that might be less  »brutal » could be to write them a


telling them how you feel about girls and remembering them that you


them but can’t change the way you feel; telling them that they are not

responsible for your possible homosexuality and that you tell them this


to make them sad/angry, but because you love them and want to be honest


them, is also a good way not to make them feel  »guilty » and to set


ground for a discussion which I hope could be done in a respectful


for all of you. But time will probably be your best ally.

You could also refer them to an organization for GLBT near your home


might be trained to deal with parents that have difficulty accepting


child’s homosexuality, and refer them to websites on that matter as:


I hope that helps, if you have other concerns don’t hesitate to write


again !

Marilyn, for AlterHeros.